DECODING MISLEADING TRAVEL BROCHURES

 

 

Tour operators are experts in making holiday prices unintelligible and will leave you in a maze of confusion over the actual price of your holiday and what to expect in that price. Their brochures mentions words and phrases which make it increasingly difficult for holiday makers to judge the how much they are going to spend on their vacation. The Trading Standards Institute (TSI) claims that consumers are mislead into thinking their holiday is one price, and are then subjected to a plethora of supplemented charges, such as transfers to accommodation, meals on the plane, or taking a Saturday flight instead of flying on a weekday. Despite legislation old habits die hard, and even though some of the operators have re-jigged their headline prices, all of them still use the small print to squeeze money out of you. So beware the nicely-turned phrase in your travel brochure or online tour description. These weasel words promise good things, but you don't always get what you expect.

 

All inclusive

Never has a short phrase promised so much. Yet common sense tells you this guarantee is never delivered, otherwise guests would demand champagne and caviar, limousine rides, fireworks, and strippers bursting from giant cakes. Ignore this phrase and head to the small print, which is where you'll really find out what's included – and what's not. One thing is certain: you'll have to cough up more money somewhere along the way, whether for a modest glass of wine or two, or your airfare. So, understand what this phrase means and ignore it.

 

At your leisure

There's nothing wrong with tour downtime that lets you recharge energy or pursue a personal interest. But watch out if this phrase pops up too often on your itinerary. Often, it's code for having to arrange your own sightseeing at your own expense. Tours at bargain prices aren't a bargain if you're not getting bang for your buck. Another meaning hidden in this phrase might be that your tour hotel is so inconveniently located there's nothing at all to do nearby, unless you have a keen interest in semi-industrial suburbia. Yes, I have leisure time but why will I spend it and more money on long distance commuting every day?

 

Centrally located hotel

Locate the hotel on Google Maps before you book a holiday, no matter what the claim. "Central" means different things to a businessperson or a sightseer, and the geographical centre of modern cities might be nowhere near the sights. Also, being central won't be fun if it comes with traffic outside your window, hen parties shrieking past midnight, and dustbins rattling at daybreak. Thirdly, companies often use this description for big tour-group hotels, so prepare for crowded breakfast rooms and long waits for lifts. I usually avoid them.

 

Within walking distance                      

This is another phrase open to interpretation, whether it refers to a hotel, sight or town centre. Who is walking? After all, everyone has their own idea of how far they're prepared to walk and, while you wouldn't go too far for a beer, you might trek up a mountain for a view. Presumably to some people, South Australia's Fleurieu Peninsula is within walking distance of the Flinders Ranges, since it's linked by Australia's longest designated hiking track (1200 kilometres). Besides, saying an urban hotel is close to restaurants, bars and public transport is stating the obvious. Isn't every other hotel in town as well? So open your Google map and see where your hotel is with respect to airport, walking treks, restaurants, museums and other city delights.

 

Optional excursions

Only on the most deluxe package tours and cruises does "optional" refer to genuine choice between various cost-included excursions. Most of the time, "optional" means "at your own expense" and you'll be charged an extra $ 100-120. The same applies to optional meals, concerts and scenic flights. Check how much it would cost you to organize the activity yourself. Tour companies and cruise lines make big margins from add-on excursions which, although they offer convenience, are seldom great value. If you are on a cruise then getting down on ports and exploring the city by bus may be included in your ticket price but don’t assume it, confirm it.

 

Skip the queue

We have all experienced the serpentine queue entering the Louvre in Paris and trust me skipping the queue outside most likely means battling crowds inside. A regular promise on organized tour holidays is that you won't have to wait in line at museums and palaces because you have privileged access to the delights within. This is a genuine advantage when lines for some top European museums stretch for two hours. But "skip the line" ought to be a warning that, once inside, crushing crowds will be milling in front of famous paintings and statues. Don't expect quiet contemplation with ‘Monalisa’ or some solitude to absorb the essence of ‘The Scream’. You will not find solitude unless you skip the entire museum. There are always very rewarding but underrated alternatives, such as the Palazzo Doria Pamphilj in Rome and the Musée Carnavalet in Paris.

 

Enjoy a local performance

Does anyone really want to see this on their itinerary? In theory, it sounds like a great idea to see a demonstration of the local dance, folklore or handicraft skill, but too many times I have been disappointed by so called folk artists. There's only so much enjoyment you can get from a dance said to imitate the romantic story of lovelorn yak herders. Besides, chances are these "authentic" performances have been invented for tourists. Only one phrase is more horrifying, and that's "audience participation welcome". Sober fellow tourists dancing are bad enough but gyrations of random wine-fuelled tourists is not exactly my choice of entertainment.

 

Pet Friendly

Pet friendly may not mean easy access of your Saint Bernard to your room. Hotels and motels usually will not allow pets in even if other guests do not object. It may mean leaving you pet in the backyard exposed to the cold winter or in a cage under the stairs with scarce ventilation! The fact that you are allowed to stay despite the pet makes the facility pet friendly.

 

English speaking tour guide

He is speaking all right but why do I not understand? Tour guides can be an asset but on occasions they become a necessary evil. Maybe they speak English in local accent but it is far better to offer us recorded cassettes with ear-phones. Worst is when the driver is your English speaking guide, who may actually want a tip. Often it’s not a tour as much as it’s just transport with a mandatory stop at some shops on route that will sell you over-priced junk like tanzanite jewellery, jade or other things you don’t want to waste time on.

 

Beer and wine included with meals.

In plain English this means a local wine that tastes like vinegar and a local beer you have never heard of. No, every time they are not bad but they are included only while eating. Then you will be party to a slugfest before and after dinner at the bar.

 

Special tour dinner

It is invariably overpriced and probably a place locals will never eat at. It is far smarter to ask a local which is the best Thai or Mexican or Japanese restaurant and which is the classiest bar and the choicest ice cream parlour. That is going to make tour dinner far more special.

 

Suite

Suite is supposed to mean separated lounge and bedroom, two separate rooms. It cannot be just a slightly larger room with a table or small partition.

 

 

Deciphering what is printed in a travel brochure and more importantly, what is written between the lines or in unintelligible font size is an art which comes with experience. Tour operators will use every trick in the book - from purple prose, to soft-focus photography and confusing price structures - to give the best possible impression of what they are selling. So, whether you are downloading a virtual pdf brochure or leafing through the real thing, it's worth reminding yourself exactly what you need to take seriously and when to dispense your pinch of salt. "Golden sands", "luxury hotel", "idyllic tropical island" - you don't have to look far to find the cliches. The best corrective is a second opinion, and in this respect, the internet is a great help.

 

Don’t let this blog dissuade you from planning your next trip but only do it more carefully. Travel brochures help but you need to spend some time decoding them.