WE WILL MISS YOU KHOKON-DA

We lost Khokon-da yesterday. He valiantly faught against the dreded Coronavirus for eleven days but God felt his days of earthly struggle were over and he would be happier in heaven. 

Khokon-da was like no one else. He was an inspiration to us all. He was our eldest brother in law. My didi, Jathababa and Bara ma's eldest daughter, was married to him way back when I was just a child in school. Right from that time I was always attracted towards him. Though he was elder to me by almost a decade and a half, he was always very approachable, very helpful and very friendly. 

When we were young and studying in Lucknow, visiting Kolkata was almost an annual event and every summer vacation we would spend in our ancestral home in Jadavpur with Jathababa and Bara ma. My other uncles from Delhi would also join us with their family and we all used to look forward to Khokon-da and Didi's visits as invariably they would be occasions for joyous reunions. He was loved by everybody and he would enquire about everyone's wellbeing. My parents, whom he would call Nakaku and Nakakima, were particularly very fond of him and would often inspire me to be like him.

Khokon-da's parents, Abha di and Jamaibabu, were also related to us in a distant way and his Mama and Mami, Nilu-da and Boudi, used to stay in Lucknow and were family friends of my parents. Abha di and Jamaibabu were, like my parents, people with modest means and resources but that did not prevent Khokon-da from excelling academically and pass out as a Civil Engineer from the prestigious Shibpur Engineering College. He was an outstandingly brilliant student and used to teach my Didi as well.

Khokon-da was less of a brother in law and more of an elder brother to all of us. He would make it a point to be present in all our family functions and was always by our side whether in joy or in grief. I remember he came to our wedding and our son's wedding in Lucknow and such was his loving nature that he never forgot Neeta's parents and siblings, whom he had met only once almost 36 years ago. Every time we met or we rang up each other he would never forget to ask about their health and wellbeing!

Time spent with Khokon-da was invariably quality time. I would usually put up with him and Didi whenever I was in Kolkata. In the morning we would walk to the bazaar to buy vegetables and fish and every time this reminded me of my childhood trips to the bazaar with my father. Just like my father he knew every vendor by his/her first name and he was invariably greeted with a smile by everyone. There was a small Kali temple in the bazaar where he would always stop for a moment with eyes closed and hands folded in prayers before returning home. 

Watching cricket with him, whether it Eden Gardens or in front of the television was an absolute treat. He was a huge fan of Ganguly, Dravid and Tendulkar and the Kolkata Knightriders and enjoyed his cricket. 

As I grew up I realized that he was an idealist to the core both in professional as well as personal life. He managed a very successful Civil Engineering firm in Kolkata and like a true Karma-yogi, even in his seventies, he would personally go to supervise all his out-station work sites, even when they were in far away states and involved tedious travel by air, rail or road. During these visits if he was anywhere near any member of his large circle of friends and family, he would invariably call up, and if possible, meet in person. Keeping a tab on this circle of acquaintances came naturally to him and that is what endeared him to all of us.

The most distinguishing characteristic of Khokon-da was his clarity of thoughts and his decision making ability. I still remember about two decades back he was extremely incapacitated by pain in his knee joints. His doctors in Kolkata advised knee replacement surgery. He promptly gave me a call because he was not very convinced about the success of this surgery because our beloved Prime Minister Atal ji was not walking despite being operated by a world renowned American orthopaedic surgeon Dr. Chittaranjan Ranawat. I managed to convince him that Atal ji can afford not to walk and still be in his profession but he cannot. This very compulsion will inspire him to follow the post operative physiotherapy schedule and he will not only walk but add two decades to his professional life. I convinced him to go to the best knee replacement surgery unit in the country and we chose Dr. Sancheti in Pune for this job. Khokon-da immediately made an appointment, went to Pune, got both his knees operated, did all the drills and exercises without complaining and came out of this ordeal in flying colours! Never after that did his knees give him any trouble. 

Khokon-da was always a pillar of strength for our family. Whether it was settling a dispute and then renovating our ancestral home, or it was helping one of my cousin with her messy divorce or arranging marriages and employment for near and dear ones, he was in the centre of it all. Volunteering to take responsibility came naturally to him. While distributing duties he invariably kept the most difficult task for himself. Such was the strength of his persona and affection towards family and friends that one phone call from him was enough to arrange a grand family gathering.

Now having lost such a loving brother to the cruel curse of Coronavirus we are all feeling helpless and lost. It is a huge vacuum that he has left behind and this is a void that no one can fill. We all will complete our earthly journey some day and leave this world but the least that we can expect is a dignified exit with friends and family all around. A death like this, deprived of dignity, disposed in an unnamed body bag, incinerated in ignominy, away from the eyes of the loved ones, certainly did not do any justice to this wonderful person. This surely was a lapse in God's eternal system of justice.

 

We will certainly miss you Khokon-da. I cannot see any person fitting into your shoes. Didi, Babun, Suparna, Mamoni, Udayan and our grandchildren are all in pain and feeling your loss. The truth has not yet sunk in and my heart refuses to believe that I will never see you again. It seems we have to live with your memories only. Very sad.

WOMEN EMPOWERMENT AND SWAMI VIVEKANANDA

 

Women empowerment has remained a phrase often quoted by the government in power but even after 74 years of independence it has remained an illusion for most women in our country. When I see them begging in traffic signals with a tucked in child I wonder whether they even understand the meaning of independence! Swami Vivekananda said "There is no chance for the welfare of the world unless the condition of women is improved. It is not possible for a bird to fly with one wing." And that is exactly what differentiates the developed world from the developing countries. The latter are desperately trying to fly with one wing. If 50% of the population is denied equal opportunities in education, employment, movement, control over ancestral properties, easy access to capital and inputs for businesses, maternal benefits and support during pregnancy  then how will the community develop and the country prosper?

 

Empowerment of women should start from their homes but the reality is that the story of discrimination starts even before birth. Female feticide is shamefully prevalent even today. Government alone can enact laws but the real change has to come in the hearts and minds of the people in the society. Why should there be fewer girl children in schools and why should their dropout rates be so high? The government has by its Swachata Abhiyan stopped the shameful open defecation and helped to erect toilets in homes and schools. Is there a provision to review them and ensure they are in working condition? Do the girls’ schools have facilities for safe and hygienic disposal of sanitary pads? All these issues are important and must be addressed to keep the girls in schools. After all they should feel safe there.

 

Safety is another point that remains unanswered and NCRB says that India recorder 88 rapes every day in 2019 and the rape vulnerability has increased 44% in last 10 years!  And strangely only 36% of the 'Nirbhaya fund' has been utilized since it was set up in 2013! When influential politicians dismiss rape charges as 'bacchon se galton ho jati hai' (children commit mistakes, why fuss over it)and with pitiable conviction rates no wonder most rapes are not even reported. If work places, public places, roads, transports, schools, religious places and even homes are not safe for women then how will they be able to contribute to their fullest potentials? Swami Vivekananda once said “The best thermometer to the progress of a nation is its treatment of its women” and by this yardstick you can gauge how far we have progressed.

 

Empowerment of women comes from her economic freedom - how much money they earn, how they choose to earn it and then have complete control on their earnings and assets. This freedom should not only be in her home but also in her work place and in the society. And this freedom should be to dream, to plan and to execute. Do our women have this freedom even today? Are we utilizing the fullest potential of 50% of our population?

 

But all is not doom and gloom. There are islands of hope in this sea of despair. The power of woman's aspirations took Manya Singh, the daughter of an auto rickshaw driver to the 'Miss India runner up' crown. Anchal Gangwal, daughter of a tea seller became a pilot in the Indian Air Force in her sixth attempt - a picture perfect of perseverance. Anne Kanmani Joy of Kerala defeated her poverty and cracked UPSC in her second attempt to become an IAS officer. These are the celebrated few whom we know but many such success stories are scattered all over India and among all professions and sections of our society. Swami Vivekananda warned men against determining the course or pace of reform related to women, arguing that this was best left to women themselves. He said, “No man shall dictate to a woman nor women to a man… Women will work out their destiny better than men can ever do for them. All mischief has come because men undertook to shape the destiny of women.” 

If the Greeks ruled the world once upon a time it was because in ancient Greece there was absolutely no difference in the state of man and woman. The idea of perfect equality existed and their society prospered. The great Aryans, Buddha among the rest, have always put woman in an equal position with man. For them sex in religion did not exist. In the Vedas and Upanishads, women taught the highest truths and received the same veneration as men.

Referring to the Vedas Swami ji said “In what scriptures do you find statements that women are not competent for knowledge and devotion? In the period of degeneration, when the priests made the other castes incompetent for the study of the Vedas, they deprived the women also of all their rights. Otherwise you will find that in the Vedic or Upanishadic age Maitreyi, Gargi, and other ladies of revered memory have taken places of Rishis through their skill in discussing about Brahman. In an assembly of a thousand Brahmans who were all erudite in the Vedas, Gargi boldly challenged Yagnavalkya in a discussion about Brahman. Since such ideal women were entitled to spiritual knowledge, why shall not the women have same privilege now? What has happened once can certainly happen again. History repeats itself. All nations have attained greatness by paying proper respect to women. That country and that nation which do not respect women have never become great, nor will ever be in future. The principal reason why your race has so much degenerated is that you have no respect for these living images of Shakti. Manu says, “Where women are respected, there the gods delight; and where they are not, there all works and efforts come to naught.

 

Illustrating the issue further Swami ji says“It is very difficult to understand why in this country [India] so much difference is made between men and women, whereas the Vedanta declares that one and the same conscious Self is present in all beings. You always criticize the women, but say what have you done for their uplift? Writing down Smritis etc., and binding them by hard rules, the men have turned the women into manufacturing machines! If you do not raise the women, who are living embodiment of the Divine Mother, don’t think that you have any other way to rise.”

 

“Woman has suffered for aeons, and that has given her infinite patience and infinite perseverance” Swami ji cautioned and offered a simple solution “The idea of perfect womanhood is perfect independence.”