CHOICE OF WORDS THAT DIMINISH YOUR IMPACT

 

Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble. How we choose our words shape our lives. Words have power. Their meaning crystallizes perceptions that shape our beliefs, drive our behaviour, and ultimately, create our world.

Words influence others and build relationships or shatter relationships to tatters. The words we write or speak to others can leave a huge impact and create a lasting memory - either good or bad, so it's very important to choose them wisely. Our choice of words and the way we express yourself can accelerate or kill your career. Speech disfluency with 'umm', 'hmm', 'oh', 'huh', 'well', 'err' show that we are not yet certain and have not made up our mind and so our communication loses it's desired impact. These interjections hold the floor while we do our mental work, but the listener thinks we are not sure. But there are certain words which are far more harmful than these meaningless interjections.

Words have an impact and so we must think before we speak. Language plays a huge role in how we are perceived by others, and how we feel about ourselves as well. While certain words have the power to make you seem intelligent or likable, others have exactly the opposite impact. With time I have realized that there are some words that are better avoided in conversation or in written communication. These are actually extremely common and even according to language and psychology experts, these should be left out of our lexicons. Today I intend to encourage you to avoid using these 5 words in your conversation:

1. Just

Despite it not being its literal meaning, when you use the word ‘just’ in a sentence people usually transform it in their minds to ‘merely’ as an adverb. This filler word can soften what you’re trying to say, but not necessarily in a good way. Rather, it tends to make you sound less confident. 

For example, when you say ‘I was just wondering’, other people hear it as ‘I was merely wondering’ and that comes across as "diminished, disingenuous and defensive” according to language experts. It can make you seem like you have less expertise in what you’re discussing, which is not an impression you’d want to make. When it comes to professional like us, we cannot afford to give this impression.

2. But

Everyone knows that when ‘but’ comes up in a conversation, it might be bad news. After all, it typically has the power to negate everything that has been said before it. It can also be perceived as a way to diminish or undercut the object of the sentence or the person being spoken to. 

So how can we give constructive critique or feedback without the word ‘but’?  There are two wonderful replacements: ‘and’ or ‘now’. The word ‘and’ makes it feel as though we are adding to what the other person said rather than contradicting him/her, while ‘now’, when used after a pause, gives the sense of ‘next’ moving on in the conversation.

Cutting out the ‘buts’ and using these alternatives will help our conversation partners feel more open to hearing what we have to say, and feel like we’re leading to something positive rather than undercutting what they said before. It gives the impression that we are a team and not adversaries!

3. Always

It’s highly likely that when the word ‘always’ is used, it's an exaggeration. After all, something rarely is done or true all the time. While it’s a very common word, it is hardly ever truthful. Language experts claim that using ‘always’ can raise questions about the authenticity of what we’re saying, and it can even bring into question statements we’ve made prior to saying ‘always’. Yes, the sun always rises in the East and fishes always live in water and so the word ‘always’ is not superfluous but we often end up using it in our conversation to exaggerate unnecessarily and end up sounding less truthful and trustworthy.

In other words, it can subconsciously make us seem less credible to our conversation partner, so our best advice is to just leave it out. We may replace it with ‘often’ or ‘most of the time’.

4. Should

Words have power, even those we say to ourselves. The word ‘should’ allows us to be actively critical of ourselves. ‘I should or shouldn’t be doing this and that…’ suggest that we don’t accept ourselves or where we are in life.

Even this small form of rejection can lead to stress and anxiety, which does the opposite of helping us. It can shut down our brain's ability to problem solve and to maintain attention to a new task. At the end of the day, anxiety over what we ‘should’ be doing can be the very thing that prevents us from doing that, creating a cycle of stress. Whenever possible remove the compulsion of ‘should’ and replace it with the option of ‘may better’ – ‘I may better do this’ or ‘you may better not do that’ sound benign and much more friendly and certainly not critical as ‘should’.

5. Can't

The word ‘can’t’ creates negative emotions and makes way for self-criticism. A 2011 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that those using the word ‘can’t’ when confronted with a temptation were less likely to resist that temptation than those who used the word ‘don’t’. So not only does the word ‘can’t’ makes you feel negatively about yourself, but it also makes you feel less in control.

I wrote a blog on “The Death of ‘I Can’t” and I encourage you to refresh your memory https://surajitbrainwaves.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-death-of-i-cant_30.html

No one likes to hear ‘can’t’. This closes all options and that is not a comfortable situation. ‘This may be difficult’ or ‘let me see other options’ leave a ray of optimism and makes you look sincere and helpful and not a dogmatic and lazy.

If we can leave these five words from our communication vocabulary we present a very different and likable picture of ourselves. These five words have traditionally weakened our position in a conversation and without us realizing, have painted us as unreliable or unhelpful. Let us give them a final burial and rejuvenate ourselves.

MAN PROPOSES NATURE DISPOSES

Nature is all powerful. Man wishes to tame her but fails repeatedly. We cannot imagine how much power Mother Nature has over our lives. A wise leader respects nature and plans his military advances accordingly. The most glaring example of such a leader was Field Marshal S.H.F.J. Manekshaw.

On March 25, 1971, when political events in East Pakistan had taken a turn for the worse, the Pakistan army cracked down on Bengali intellectuals and leaders, killing over 50,000 of them. Millions of refugees began fleeing into India to escape from this organized genocide. The exodus of refugees placed an unbearable financial burden on India and strained the fabric of social structure and political stability in eastern India.

Field Marshal S.H.F.J. Manekshaw

Then Prime Minister Mrs. Indira Gandhi toured the border and on her return from Calcutta, she drove straight to South Block and walked into the operations room of army headquarters. She turned to Manekshaw and bluntly asked, 'what can the Indian Army could do in this situation?’ Manekshaw in his inimitable cryptic style, replied, 'Nothing.' The army chief went on to explain it took time to launch military operations and the army was not ready. The PM said, 'I want the army to launch an offensive into East Pakistan as early as possible. You should be prepared to attend a Cabinet meeting in two days' time and outline your plans.'

Later, Manekshaw attended a Cabinet meeting where the PM repeated she wanted the armed forces to invade East Pakistan as quickly as possible. Manekshaw was unmoved, 'even when my troops are in position in June, I do not recommend we launch any operations for two reasons. Firstly, the monsoon would be raging at the time. Secondly, the Himalayan mountain passes would be open and I will not be able to withdraw troops from the northern borders for operations against East Pakistan. Moreover, India must guard against the prospect of fighting a war on two fronts. That would present me with problems far more complex than what had been the bane of the German general staff for more than 50 years across two world wars. It would be unwise to rely on diplomatic assurances that the Chinese would not react in support of Pakistan. We must wait for the snow to block the northern passes.'

Pakistani General Niazi signing the instrument of surrender

Manekshaw told the Cabinet the monsoon in that region was very severe. He quietly explained how the whole area of Bengal, East Pakistan and northeast India becomes a virtual lake. All road transport would cease. If India launched operations in June, the results would be disastrous. He would rather resign than act against his professional judgment. The military assault was launched on December 3, 1971, and the Indian Army was able to end the campaign in a fortnight and capture over 90,000 prisoners of war. Genl. Manekshaw did not succumb to the political pressure but respected the power of nature!

However history tells us that all leaders were not as wise as Field Marshal Manekshaw. They thought they had it all figured out, but as the following facts of history prove, the weather can intervene even the most thought out plans, for better or for worse. These are 6 instances where natural conditions have altered the course of important events and eventually also changed the course of history.

1. The bombing of Nagasaki

The tragic fate of the city of Nagasaki could have been avoided had it not been for a few clouds. When American bomber Bockscar took off from Tinian island on August 9, 1945, its target was not Nagasaki at all. The notorious atomic bomb was originally intended for the Japanese city of Kokura, which was home to one of the largest arsenals in Japan.

However, when the bomber approached the city, its target was obscured by dense clouds. Pilot Charles W. Sweeney circled the area a few times, before deciding to move on the mission’s secondary target Nagasaki. And so the clouds that spared one city doomed the other. At 10:58 a.m. local time, Bockscar dropped its nuclear bomb, killing an estimated 35,000 and obliterating 44% of the city.

2. Napoleon's invasion of Russia

Napoleon

Russians owe a lot to the extremely harsh winters in their country. With the exceptions of the Mongols at the beginning of the 13th century, no force was able to conquer Russia thanks to these harsh weather conditions. Of course, this fact did not deter Napoleon Bonaparte, who was known to be a bit cocky, nor did his fellow officers who advised against it. 

In 1812, 600,000 men and about 200,000 horses invaded Russia. Only about 100,000 soldiers returned to France. Many horses died of the cold and without them, the army was unable to transport weapons and supplies. Starvation and disease soon set in, and when Napoleon realized defeat was inevitable, he abandoned the army and returned home on a sleigh to prevent a coup. 

3. The Dust Bowl

While the rest of the country struggled with the Great Depression that hit in 1929, the farmers of the Southern Plains of the United States continued to grow crops and bring in money. Their luck ran out in 1931. As a result of a severe drought that hit the region in 1930, crops began to fail and left the farmland bare. Eroding soil led to massive dust storms and economic devastation that lasted a decade. The once prosperous farmers became the nation’s most imperiled.

The course of the Southern Plains was altered forever. Many families packed up and moved west. Regular rainfall returned to the area in 1939 bringing the dust bowl years to an end, but population decline in the worst-hit counties continued well into the 1950s.

4. Hitler's invasion of Russia

Hitler

Another leader who did not take the Russian winters seriously enough and refused to learn the lesson from Napoleon’s failure was Adolf Hitler. On June 22, 1941, he led his troops there. He was confident the campaign, dubbed Operation Barbarossa, would be swift and the whole conquering business would be done by October. In fact, Hitler and his army were so presumptuous they left their winter gear at home.

As many of you may know, the German army was all but wiped out by the bitter cold and constant attacks of the Soviets. “The ghastly cold of that winter had the strangest consequences. Thousands and thousands of soldiers had lost their limbs; thousands and thousands had their ears, their noses, their fingers…” wrote the Italian journalist Curzio Malaparte. Operation Barbarossa was the beginning of the end for the Third Reich. 

5. The Battle of Long Island

Although the Battle of Long Island was a British victory in the Revolutionary War, it could have been much more disastrous had Mother Nature not been on the side of commander-in-chief George Washington and his men. After a week of fighting, the British forces in Long Island decided it was time to cross the East River from Brooklyn to Manhattan and withdraw.

George Washington

The troops began the ferrying process at night, but by morning a big part of the Continental Army was still on the wrong side of the river. Had the British seen them they would have been captured or killed. However, it was a very foggy morning. The fog was so thick it concealed the ferrying troops, and by the time it was lifted the whole army had reached safety. Washington himself was one of the last to retreat. If it wasn’t for that mist, General Washington could have been captured, and the war could have taken a very different turn. 

6. The Divine Kamikaze Winds

During the 13th century, Kublai Khan, the grandson of Genghis Khan, took the throne of the Mongol Empire, defeated southern China, and united the country under the newly formed Yuan Dynasty. He then set his sights on the islands of Japan.

After a few failed attempts to persuade the Japanese Emperor to surrender, the Mongol Army decided to attack. The Japanese style of combat was utterly unsuited for the massive Mongol army and its 900 ships. Luckily for the Samurai who were meant to fight, a powerful typhoon struck the coast and destroyed the attackers’ fleet and most of the army. Kublai Khan did not give up. Seven years later, he brought together an even larger force to take the islands once and for all. Mother Nature intervened again, wrecking all but a few hundred ships in a furious storm. As the story goes, the emperor ‘summoned’ the kamikaze - or divine - winds to save Japan.

Today, the need to respect nature and all that constitutes it has become far more important. Increasing human population interacts with local and global environments to deplete biodiversity and resources humans depend on, thus challenging societal values centered on growth and relying on technology to mitigate environmental stress. Although the need to address the environmental crisis, central to conservation science, generated greener versions of the growth paradigm, we need fundamental shifts in values that ensure transition from a growth-centered society to one acknowledging biophysical limits and centered on human well-being and biodiversity conservation. The COVID-19 pandemic is a rude shock which nature has given us and it has rocked both our lives and our livelihoods. This is nature’s way of reminding us to respect her all the time.