COBWEBS IN YOUR HEAD

Have you ever gone into a room that hasn't been used in a long time only to find dusty surfaces, cobwebs in dark corners, and old memories in the drawers? Well, some corners of our mind can be a lot like that unoccupied room when we don't take the time to clean out the gunk. They are a warehouse of useless and wicked thoughts which tend to play tricks with us, unless we learn to control them and channelize them to assist in our growth and progress.

Our thoughts shape our reality and can help us to be happy and relaxed, or stressed and lost, unable to take meaningful steps to advance our lives. Our thoughts are a catalyst for self-perpetuating cycles. What we think directly influences how we feel and how we behave. So if you think you’re a failure, you’ll feel like a failure. Then, you’ll act like a failure, which reinforces your belief that you must be a failure. Fortunately the reverse is also true – if you think you are a champion, you start behaving and performing like one!

These useless thoughts, wicked notions and doubts are present in every mind and are a part of our evolution as a species. We have an insatiable appetite for them, and we often worry about what could go wrong. This served us well when we were living in caves and being chased by lions, but can hinder us in the 21st century. As the prominent psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi puts it, “Evolution has set the mind on an endless treadmill.”

There is good news though — once we become aware that we’re on the treadmill, we can choose to get off of it.

Once you draw a conclusion about yourself, you’re likely to do two things; look for evidence that reinforces your belief and discount anything that runs contrary to your belief. Someone who develops the belief that he’s a failure, for example, will view each mistake as proof that he’s not good enough. When he does succeed at something, he’ll chalk it up to luck. A champion under exact similar circumstances will attribute his success to his potentials and abilities and to him his occasional failures are stepping stones to future success!

Creating a more positive outlook can lead to better outcomes. That’s not to say positive thoughts have magical powers. But optimistic thoughts lead to productive behavior, which increases your chances of a successful outcome.

So how can we clean the cobwebs in our head and learn to think and behave like a champion? 

1. Banish concerns – it only create more worries

The more you think about something bad, the more likely it will happen and so if you have a day full of parental concerns or stressful events, the more you think about them, the greater the chance of you accumulating a huge amount of negative thoughts that simply block your ability to think positively. It’s okay to worry or be angry, however, it’s better to release these thoughts and feelings as soon as possible and not give them room in your mind. Concerns don’t solve problems, they accentuate them.

2. You don’t need to narrate your life

We all have a small voice in our heads that keeps us on the right track and helps us focus, but alongside its many advantages, it also has some significant drawbacks. If we don’t stop it in time, this "internal narrator" can convince us of things that just aren’t true like what other people think about us, and even to instill meaning into the most casual and random events. Our inner voice is only an expression of our imagination and our fears. So if you want to be happy, stop telling yourself that you're unhappy and start thinking about what you can do to improve the situation.

3. Feelings of defeat and victory are temporary 

You need to remember that everything passes – both good and bad. How you feel right now after a setback – shame, guilt or fear, isn’t how you’ll feel in the near future. This feeling will pass. The more you amplify and magnify these feelings now, the more likely they’ll be twice as intense in the future. So be humble in victory and introspective in defeat so as to learn from it…..because both victory and defeat will pass and only what you gather from them will remain with you!

4. You are unique

There is no point in constant and unbridled self-criticism. There is no point in comparing oneself to others. No matter how far you’ve come, there will always be someone who has been more successful in one field or another and there is no point in comparing yourself. Similarly, even if you experience a stinging failure, there will always be someone worse off, and you both are much better off than those who didn’t try at all.  

5. Learn from mistakes….don’t feel guilty

Feelings of guilt are probably one of the greatest problems of people who can’t get their thoughts in order, even though in practice they have no importance and justification. These feelings shouldn’t last for more than a few moments. Clean all these thoughts and feelings from your head, because they only cause damage. Take the positive out of it, learn from the mistakes and march ahead.

6. What others think shouldn’t affect you

Most people are too busy thinking about themselves, and probably don’t have the time or energy to actually think about you. And even if they do the world is full of people and events we have no control over.  But we certainly have control over our actions and thoughts and therefore we mustn’t let these two things mix. While everyone else has a right to his/her opinion, but the decision to act according to their influence is ours, for the better and for the worse. So, if you want to pursue your dreams, but are afraid of the reactions of the people around you, remember that the only person who has the power to decide whether to act on something or not is you.  

7. Maximize efforts not expectations

Much of the reason why people are constantly preoccupied with harmful thoughts lies in the fact that our expectations of life and reality are often two very different things. No matter how much mental time and effort you spend deciding on your course of action, the world won’t stop while you think and the situation will change. Planning is a great tool but it doesn’t guarantee perfect results, and any expectations will only lead to baseless regrets and self-blame. So be high on efforts and not on expectations.

8. Your personality isn’t fixed you can change it

Your character and your personality are not fixed and are only the product of your thoughts. Low self-confidence, impatience, ignorance, laziness, etc. are all character traits that we attribute to ourselves and treat as factual, although this situation can change at any moment and the power to do so is in our hands. Don’t complain about yourselves. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it, this is one of the best ways to be truly happy.

9. Life isn’t graded

Life isn’t a game and there are no points nor winners or losers, and any thought that comes from this mistaken assumption will cause damage and disappointment. The world of numbers and grades is rarely associated with our sense of happiness, and to delve into these unnecessary thoughts will only prevent us from enjoying the moment and the simple pleasures of life.

Just like a pebble falling down a hill can cause an avalanche, such is the potential power of thought. We take every milestone and every challenge of life to be yet another cliff which we have to conquer. What we don’t realize is that there is no cliff — there is only our mind playing tricks on us, trying to make us believe there is an impending disaster. In reality, the only misery happening is in our own selves. By ruminating, obsessing, and contemplating, we’re actually creating fertile ground for weeds to sprout up, blocking a clear path in our minds for us to follow. Instead of clearing our path, we’re blocking our path. The path needs to be de-weeded and the cobwebs in our mind need to be cleaned. This is what meditation is all about. By this you can start to control what direction your mind takes, rather than being on autopilot and mindlessly letting your emotions wrap you up in a tight ball of stress and regret. You get to decide your thoughts and your actions!