PRAISES AND COMPLIMENTS – EASY TO GIVE, DELIGHTFUL TO RECEIVE

I am back after enjoying a lovely conference in Cidade de Goa. Besides learning newer things, acquiring newer knowledge and familiarizing with newer technologies, these conferences are great occasions for reestablishing camaraderie and rekindling old friendship, as well as making exciting new ones too. It charges my batteries and I am all prepared to work with new vigor and excitement. But unfortunately, that is not the case with everyone! Some keep on complaining about easily ignorable problems, some are always concerned about imagined inter-personal issues, and they invariably are easily exhausted and in a hurry to leave. These people find it very difficult to see the good in anything and anyone ad they are a big miser when it comes to complimenting people.

 

We all love receiving compliments, even those of us who feel shy when we hear one. A compliment tells us that someone sees us, notices us, and finds good things in us. It signifies a strong connection, boosts self-confidence if we truly let it sink into our hearts, and accept it without resistance. We usually want to make our spouse or our friend or colleague feel this way, so we choose to compliment them when the opportunity arises. However, not everyone does it correctly. A compliment that proves you truly see the person in front of you, beyond their external appearance, is the best gift you can give them.

 

Why is it important to compliment non-external traits?

Compliment can improve mood and create a positive relationship, and focusing on non-external traits rather than physical appearance is always better. Of course, it's appropriate to compliment physical beauty as well, but the best compliments show appreciation for energy, passion, determination, strength, and kindness, traits that truly make the person special in our eyes. Here are some reasons why these compliments are more beneficial and important:

It highlights the person's qualities:  We often cannot significantly influence our physical appearance, and it doesn't truly define who we are. In contrast, traits like humor, empathy, determination, or intelligence shape our behavior and reflect our values, so they are more connected to who we really are.

It creates a deep connection: A compliment is a gift that's easy to give and delightful to receive. When you compliment someone on their character or abilities, you're essentially telling them that you're paying attention to them and not overlooking them. This helps strengthen your bond and encourages a relationship that's not superficial.

It lasts longer: Our appearance changes over time, especially how we look in certain clothes or hairstyles. But our character often remains the same throughout life, and as mentioned, it represents who we are much more. Therefore, such a compliment lasts longer in the recipient's mind, along with the positive feeling it generates.

It boosts self-esteem: Of course, compliments like "You look beautiful today" or "This beard looks great on you" boost confidence in our appearance. However, compliments that touch on character or abilities can do so on a much deeper level. They affirm who we are and what we're good at, truly helping to raise our self-confidence in everything we choose to do.

It encourages personal growth: When you compliment someone on the effort they've put in, their creativity, or problem-solving abilities, they will want to use those skills more and even develop them until they become an integral part of who they are, even if they don't feel these traits define them. Consistent compliments like these can be a significant source of motivation.

It is from the heart and it touches the heart: When you tell someone that “You are always smiling” or “You invariably look contended and at peace with life” it establishes a heart to heart hotline and the affection is unmistakable. Even if you meet once a year or even less frequently, it immediately reestablishes your friendship.

 

How to give unique and genuine compliments?

Try to figure out what you appreciate about the person. When you think of them, what is the first thing that comes to mind? How do they change the atmosphere in a room when they enter? How does their energy affect you? What about their personality makes your day? So, the best compliment shows appreciation for the unique things about the person you're complimenting.   Your compliments should be as focused as possible. Instead of giving a general compliment like 'You're so good' or 'You're amazing,' focus on specific actions or qualities you truly value and admire. Generalized appreciation often sounds hollow. For example, if your partner has an incredible ability to stay calm in stressful situations, you can say: "I really appreciate how you handled that today. You stayed calm, and it helped everyone else relax too." Such a statement highlights your partner's special ability, shows that you noticed it, and demonstrates your appreciation for its impact on you and others

 

Examples

If you need a bit more help coming up with ideas for non-appearance-based compliments, here are a few compliments you can use, tweaking them as needed to match your partner's unique personality:

1. You are so thoughtful—that's one of my favorite things about you.

2. You have such a calming effect on me.

3. Your joy is contagious.

4. You're so calm amidst all the chaos—it's amazing!

5. Your positivity is like sunshine on a rainy day.

6. You bring out the best in me.

7. You're the only person I can fully trust.

8. You're the glue that holds our family together.

9. You inspire me to give my 100% effort.

10. You have a way of explaining things that makes everything clearer.

11. You know how to tell every story in a captivating way.

12. You're so good at ____________

13. With you, even the most boring thing in the world can be fun.

14. You always know what to say to make people feel better.

15. You're such a great listener—that's why you understand me.

16. With you, I feel comfortable being myself. 17. You have a way of making everyone feel included.

18. Your creativity always amazes me.

19. Your passion for the things you love is incredible.

20. You are the kindest person I know, and I'm so lucky to have you in my life.

 

Compliment and Flattery are two different things alltogether

Flattery often contains excessive or insincere praise, aimed at winning someone's favor or attention. Compliment, in contrast, is an honest expression of admiration or approval regarding someone's quality or accomplishment. Flattery can sometimes be with ulterior motive and be seen as manipulative, as it can be utilized to sway someone's opinion or decision. A Compliment, in its genuine form, does not seek to manipulate but simply acknowledges something positively. It lacks hidden agendas, being an authentic appreciation. That is the reason why flattery might sound over-the-top or overly effusive, while a compliment sounds heartfelt and sincere.

 

 

In today's world, many people place too much emphasis on physical appearance, while what we often lack are internal sources of positive feelings. You can provide such a source for your spouse by saying, "I notice who you are, your true self, and I think you're amazing!" Whether it's their sense of humor, kindness, or the way they handle stressful situations, a compliment on such a character trait can truly impact their inner feelings and your relationship. So, don't hesitate to give a compliment—it doesn't cost you anything, but its value is priceless.