BEFRIENDING A NARCISSIST AMERICA

 

U.S Secretary of States of Nixon era once famously said "The word will go out to the nations of the world that it may be dangerous to be America's enemy, but to be America's friend is fatal." How true that is can be experienced by all allies of the U.S, E.U, Japan, South Korea and the Gulf countries like U.A.E, Kuwait, Qatar and Saudi Arabia. This is a typical narcissist’s embrace, and India has kept herself miraculously out of it. Pressures are being mounted every day; we did not know that the Ukraine war was India’s war till the U.S told us. Though China, Europe and the U.S all keep doing business with Moscow, but it is India that is financing the war, and responsible for the killing of innocent Ukrainians!

According to Greek legend, a young man was so fascinated, awestruck, and enraptured by his own image reflected on the surface of a pool that he sat lovingly gazing at water’s edge for so long that he succumbed to his own vanity and eventually drowned and transformed into a flower that carries his name, “Narcissus.”

So, who is a narcissist? 

He or she is one who has

1.      A grandiose sense of self-importance
2.       A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
3.       A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
4.       A need for excessive admiration
5.       A sense of entitlement
6.       Interpersonally exploitative behavior
7.       A lack of empathy
8.       Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
9.       A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes.

Now that almost describes the current U.S. President.

There are phrases that narcissists use that can make you feel bad about yourself. These are not always obvious statements, because narcissists have an incredible ability to make a person feel completely worthless if they allow it and without you even noticing. The intention is that they are willing to go to particularly deep levels of negativity to do so and truly destroy you. These phrases are now often heard from U.S law makers and diplomats, and needless to say, they are hardly diplomatic.  

1. "I'm sorry you feel that way." This is not a genuine apology, even if it seems like one at first. When someone truly apologizes, they acknowledge what they did and don’t shift the blame. We told you to buy oil from Russia when it was convenient for us, but now it is not so you should stop. You think we are being unfair, "I'm sorry you feel that way." 

2. "You’re not worthy of our friendship." In a way, this statement is true – no one deserves a narcissist as a friend, and the largest democracy of the world most certainly not. When a narcissist uses this phrase, you should remember that the real intention is to diminish the other person’s / country’s value. Narcissists think they are above everyone else and deserve only the highest quality in everything and everyone. In their pursuit of perfection, they fail, succeeding only by manipulating people with self-esteem issues; remember the public humiliation of the Ukrainian President and then making him sign away the reserves of rare minerals of his country!

3. "If you didn’t upset me so much, I wouldn’t act this way." This is a familiar phrase that makes the other person feel guilty, even if they were just trying to protect themselves. Toxic people crave control because they are insecure. They also feel that every time they get angry, it’s because the person in front of them somehow provoked them. This is a manipulative pattern that serves only them. The only ones who manage to stay close to them are those willing to worship them and when they come across non-ass kissers like Modi they respond with 50% tariff. "If only India didn't upset me so much, I wouldn't put secondary sanctions against them."

4. "Why are you even friends with them?" This isn’t really a question but an insult toward your friends. Narcissists see themselves as the central figure in your life, and everyone else becomes insignificant in their eyes. Russia has been an all weather friend and always sided with India right from the days of liberation of Bangladesh, when the then U.S President had sent the USS Enterprise to the waters of Bay of Bengal to help a dictatorial Pakistan! And today they have the cheeks to tell us to dump Russia in a war that has nothing to do with us!! The best response is not to get dragged into explanations. Any attempt to justify your friendships with others will lead to further insults from them. So, it is best to ignore them.

5. "Be careful, you don’t want to lose me." This phrase is meant to evoke fear and anxiety. In the past, such a statement was indeed made reminding us of our difficult relations with China. India of the 21^st. century can very well manage its affairs with China, without any Western help. The truth is that what is really lost in such relationships is the self respect – the sense of personal worth of the leader and the country, and Modi is far more mature to fall for this crap. America needs the large Indian market of 1.4 billion people just as much as we need access to theirs’. The best thing is to lose the toxic person, and his cheer leaders because life will be much better without them.

6. "I did it for you." It’s important to be grateful for what people do for you, but there’s no obligation to accept gifts or actions that don’t suit or don’t bring joy. Even if the narcissist invested a lot of effort or money, you have every right to say, “Thank you, but I don’t want this.” No, Trump had no role in the cease fire after Operation Sindoor and if he is suffering from delusion of grandiosity and importance he needs treatment. India will not oblige and not recommend him for the Nobel Peace Prize.  

7. "If you loved me, you would…" This is one of the most common manipulative phrases. When you say “no” to a certain request, the narcissist responds by claiming it is proof of a lack of trust. In reality, everyone has the right to refuse what doesn’t suit them. There’s no need to prove affinity by constantly sacrificing our self. We are not paupers. We do not need American aid. We do not beg for American arms free of cost, we purchase them. We don’t need periodic bail out packages to run our economy and free food grains to feed our citizens. We feel it is far better to love ourselves, and if the situation doesn’t improve – seriously consider abandoning the relationship till better senses prevail in Washington.

The United States has long been past the point in our history where making direct connections between the policies of Hitler and his Nazis and those of Trump and his MAGA White supremist supporters are as clear and as relevant. These are two historical eras that were and are led by men with clear Sociopathic and Narcissistic Personality Disorders.

Hitler did and Trump is destined to drown by their narcissism. Hitler did not and Trump will not transform into a fragrant flower. The Indian response to his narcissist attack is the best response. The allies are bending far too much for his comfort. History will not pardon them and they will soon pay a heavy price when they go to the polls the next time. The war in Ukraine will be stopped by diplomacy and dialogue and not by threats, ultimatums and sanctions.