CHOICE OF WORDS THAT DIMINISH YOUR IMPACT

 

Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity. We can choose to use this force constructively with words of encouragement, or destructively using words of despair. Words have energy and power with the ability to help, to heal, to hinder, to hurt, to harm, to humiliate and to humble. How we choose our words shape our lives. Words have power. Their meaning crystallizes perceptions that shape our beliefs, drive our behaviour, and ultimately, create our world.

Words influence others and build relationships or shatter relationships to tatters. The words we write or speak to others can leave a huge impact and create a lasting memory - either good or bad, so it's very important to choose them wisely. Our choice of words and the way we express yourself can accelerate or kill your career. Speech disfluency with 'umm', 'hmm', 'oh', 'huh', 'well', 'err' show that we are not yet certain and have not made up our mind and so our communication loses it's desired impact. These interjections hold the floor while we do our mental work, but the listener thinks we are not sure. But there are certain words which are far more harmful than these meaningless interjections.

Words have an impact and so we must think before we speak. Language plays a huge role in how we are perceived by others, and how we feel about ourselves as well. While certain words have the power to make you seem intelligent or likable, others have exactly the opposite impact. With time I have realized that there are some words that are better avoided in conversation or in written communication. These are actually extremely common and even according to language and psychology experts, these should be left out of our lexicons. Today I intend to encourage you to avoid using these 5 words in your conversation:

1. Just

Despite it not being its literal meaning, when you use the word ‘just’ in a sentence people usually transform it in their minds to ‘merely’ as an adverb. This filler word can soften what you’re trying to say, but not necessarily in a good way. Rather, it tends to make you sound less confident. 

For example, when you say ‘I was just wondering’, other people hear it as ‘I was merely wondering’ and that comes across as "diminished, disingenuous and defensive” according to language experts. It can make you seem like you have less expertise in what you’re discussing, which is not an impression you’d want to make. When it comes to professional like us, we cannot afford to give this impression.

2. But

Everyone knows that when ‘but’ comes up in a conversation, it might be bad news. After all, it typically has the power to negate everything that has been said before it. It can also be perceived as a way to diminish or undercut the object of the sentence or the person being spoken to. 

So how can we give constructive critique or feedback without the word ‘but’?  There are two wonderful replacements: ‘and’ or ‘now’. The word ‘and’ makes it feel as though we are adding to what the other person said rather than contradicting him/her, while ‘now’, when used after a pause, gives the sense of ‘next’ moving on in the conversation.

Cutting out the ‘buts’ and using these alternatives will help our conversation partners feel more open to hearing what we have to say, and feel like we’re leading to something positive rather than undercutting what they said before. It gives the impression that we are a team and not adversaries!

3. Always

It’s highly likely that when the word ‘always’ is used, it's an exaggeration. After all, something rarely is done or true all the time. While it’s a very common word, it is hardly ever truthful. Language experts claim that using ‘always’ can raise questions about the authenticity of what we’re saying, and it can even bring into question statements we’ve made prior to saying ‘always’. Yes, the sun always rises in the East and fishes always live in water and so the word ‘always’ is not superfluous but we often end up using it in our conversation to exaggerate unnecessarily and end up sounding less truthful and trustworthy.

In other words, it can subconsciously make us seem less credible to our conversation partner, so our best advice is to just leave it out. We may replace it with ‘often’ or ‘most of the time’.

4. Should

Words have power, even those we say to ourselves. The word ‘should’ allows us to be actively critical of ourselves. ‘I should or shouldn’t be doing this and that…’ suggest that we don’t accept ourselves or where we are in life.

Even this small form of rejection can lead to stress and anxiety, which does the opposite of helping us. It can shut down our brain's ability to problem solve and to maintain attention to a new task. At the end of the day, anxiety over what we ‘should’ be doing can be the very thing that prevents us from doing that, creating a cycle of stress. Whenever possible remove the compulsion of ‘should’ and replace it with the option of ‘may better’ – ‘I may better do this’ or ‘you may better not do that’ sound benign and much more friendly and certainly not critical as ‘should’.

5. Can't

The word ‘can’t’ creates negative emotions and makes way for self-criticism. A 2011 study published in the Journal of Consumer Research found that those using the word ‘can’t’ when confronted with a temptation were less likely to resist that temptation than those who used the word ‘don’t’. So not only does the word ‘can’t’ makes you feel negatively about yourself, but it also makes you feel less in control.

I wrote a blog on “The Death of ‘I Can’t” and I encourage you to refresh your memory https://surajitbrainwaves.blogspot.com/2017/11/the-death-of-i-cant_30.html

No one likes to hear ‘can’t’. This closes all options and that is not a comfortable situation. ‘This may be difficult’ or ‘let me see other options’ leave a ray of optimism and makes you look sincere and helpful and not a dogmatic and lazy.

If we can leave these five words from our communication vocabulary we present a very different and likable picture of ourselves. These five words have traditionally weakened our position in a conversation and without us realizing, have painted us as unreliable or unhelpful. Let us give them a final burial and rejuvenate ourselves.