AVOID THE WORST SEATS ON A FLIGHT

Have you ever travelled long haul, from our subcontinent to the Americas in seats that were in the back of the aircraft, next to the lavatories, in a middle seat with zero recline - and in the smoking section - A 30B or 30E perhaps? If you have you know the importance of choosing good seats and avoiding the worst ones. Airlines use our collective fear of the worst seat to prod us into paying extra for seats that have the same amount of legroom and even more for extra leg room.

Fortunately, you can steer clear of most of these seats most of the time just by learning which ones to avoid when making your seat selection. For this first you have to know the aircraft in which you are about to fly because the large bodied ones like Airbus A380 has two isles and so the number of isle and middle seats are just double though the number of prized window seats remain limited. But mostly we will be talking about what airlines call their smaller mainline planes: the Airbus A320 and Boeing 737 families of aircraft, and their sub-types the A319, A321, A320neo and Boeing 737 MAX — which have a single aisle with three seats on either side of the aisle.

So which are the good seats you should go out and grab by fair or foul means? At the end, it depends on your style onboard airplanes:

·                     If you plan to sleep during the long haul: Take a window seat, no one will bother you to get out or in and you can rest your head on the side.

·                     If you plan to stay awake to watch a movie or read a book: Take an aisle seat away from toilets. 

·                     If you plane to be awake for other reasons: Get a seat next to lavatories.

So here are the seats you should stay away from every time you travel.

THE SEAT AT THE BACK OF ANY SECTION 

Seats at the back of a section in a large bodied planes — those usually found just in front of a bank of lavatories or a galley — are the absolute best if you refuse to recline on principle, truly can’t stand having your seat kicked by the person in back of you, or if you’re simply an aficionado of discomfort. For the rest of us, these seats should be avoided whenever possible. They sometimes guarantee that you will be the last to get off the plane if it gets connected to the arrival lounge by an aero-bridge or passenger boarding bridge.  Besides being next to the loo these sections are often used by the flight attendants to prepare food and drinks and may be noisy.

THE LAST ROW

Sit in the last row of a smaller mainline plane and you’ll likely be treated to a custom blend of lavatory aromas, seats that don’t recline, and a constant crowd of impatient bathroom aspirants waiting their turns. And when it’s time to disembark, here’s a tip: Don’t bother getting up for at least 10 minutes after the seatbelt sign dings off. By the time the aisle is clear for you to go, it will just be you and the cleaning crew.

THE SEAT NEXT TO THE MAIN EXIT DOOR

I know this is not an absolute and some of you may put this as your first choice seat, particularly if you are tall, but not me. If legroom is your only consideration, then this might be the seat for you. But if you’re an average-height person, then why sit next to the exit? Do you have a tight connecting flight to catch and need to rush as soon as the exit door opens? You’ll be giving up your arm’s-reach storage (no seat in front of you means no under-seat storage, so you’ll need to put everything in the overhead bins during takeoff and landing). You’ll also come up against — literally — the reduced seat width that comes with the solid metal armrests needed to stow tray tables.

And you will likely remain chilly for the length of the flight, since the air by the door is colder, presumably because the door has inner mechanical workings instead of insulation.

THE DEFECTIVE SEAT

Of all the bad seats to get, this one might be the true worst because it’s the one you can’t plan for. Fly enough and you’ll eventually end up in a broken seat once in a while. Maybe the seat leans at a weird angle. Or it jiggles loosely in its bolts. Perhaps the reclining mechanism is jammed or the headphone jack or the seat back screen is on the fritz.

In the best-case scenario, you can draw attention to it and be reseated, but it’s my experience that broken seats and full flights go hand-in-hand.

BULKHEAD ROWS

Bulkhead seats sit immediately behind either the wall at the front of the cabin (if there is one) or the wall separating business and economy. These have the benefit of nobody reclining into you, but there are two potential downsides: the first is that you probably won’t have as much space to stretch out your legs, and the second is that the seats are a little narrower because the tray tables are in the armrests. For some people, bulkhead is basically the first class of economy. But many people don’t realise its drawbacks until they’ve shelled out extra money for these coveted-but-flawed seats. As with seats by the main exit, bulkhead seats lack under-seat storage, meaning you’ll be stowing all your gear during the long stretches of time around takeoff and landing. There’s also the slightly reduced width of the seat (due to the tray-table-in-armrest configuration) to account for, and the simple fact that some find staring at a wall unpleasant.

Finally, unless you’ve secured that extra space by filling it with an airline-supplied baby bassinet or a bunch of your own junk, you may find that other passengers try to use it as a cut-through to get to the opposite aisle.

SEATS BETWEEN DIFFERENT CONFIGURATIONS

You should be wary of being in that first row when a plane goes from four to three seats per row, or three to two. When a configuration switches to adapt to the tapering of the plane, legroom gets complicated since the optimal leg-stretch zone will be occupied by the seat anchors. Not only does it mean you may encroach on your neighbour’s space to stow and retrieve items placed under the seat, but it can lead to some pretty significant body aches if you’re twisting to reach your allotted leg room. So study the seat map carefully and avoid these rows.

THE SEAT NEAR THE BATHROOM

Questionable aromas aside, the seats closest to the lavatories are still among the worst in the cabin. That’s because there’s nearly always a line for the bathroom, and there’s something about being in line for the bathroom that seems to make passengers take leave of their basic manners. Expect to be treated to a constant stream of passengers steadying themselves on your seat back, jiggling it back and forth — because of turbulence or simply because they’re in the middle of some complicated hamstring stretch. Prepare for getting various body parts brush your shoulder as people try to accommodate two-way traffic in the aisle. And let’s not forget all the projecting-over-the-engine-noise conversations you’ll be treated to while trying to sleep!

THE SEAT WITH THE ENTERTAINMENT BOX

If you get this seat then your chances of stowing away your stuff under the seat in front of you is over because a metal case that takes up the entire under-seat storage area there. This is called the “entertainment box” but I don’t know why because there really is nothing entertaining about it. Those extra few inches of storage and stretching might not seem like they make a huge difference, but they really do when you’re on a long flight when it will feel that your legs are stuffed in a sleeping bag! Maintaining this position for 10 to 14 hours cannot make you feel ecstatic. How can you pick these seats I am not sure but in large jumbo jets rows 76 to 80 seats C and H has these boxes and the hold some equipment.

THE TAPERED WINDOW SEAT

At the back of some planes there are a few rows of two. This might seem like a dream — more space, no middle seat. But ... there are issues. There’s a gap between the seat and the wall of the plane, so you won’t be able to lean to sleep. If you like the feeling of a little room, it can be nice (and it’s a perk to be able to stash your stuff alongside you rather than under the seat in front) but if you leave it empty do not be surprised to find the person in the seat behind you claiming this space as their extra legroom, which could mean enduring malodorous feet wiggling in your peripheral vision for the length of your flight. And believe me when I say this can make any flight seem twice as long!

MISALIGNED WINDOW SEAT

Man proposes…but God disposes, you cannot do much here! The implied promise of the term “window seat” is of course that there’s a window you can actually see through. But many planes have configurations that place some seats between windows. Not only is this disappointing for anyone who likes to look out the window like me, but it can also create complicated lighting issues, as the window in front of and behind you may peek into your row but you won’t be able to control them. And who is in charge of the shade? If you want a dim cabin but the person behind you prefers light, you’re either going to have to negotiate (I suggest bribing with chocolate) or go for a good eye mask.

THE DREADED MIDDLE SEAT

Roes B and E in smaller mainline planes with single isle and roes B, E, F and J in large bodied planes with two isles are middle rows, which are either for couples and family or solo flyers who are losers. On non-assignment airlines, you can see the panic in the eyes of people in later boarding groups as they search for a seat — any seat — that’s not sandwiched between two people. On airlines with seat assignments, dreaded middle seats are always the last to be claimed, meaning the later you book, the more likely you are to have to resign yourself to battling your window and aisle seatmates for the extra few centimeters that armrest domination secures.

My policy is to first try to book my first choice seat from the aircraft seat map online or from the kiosk, failing which I am extra sweet to the booking agents and request to the extent of pleading till I get my way. Good manners and not high headed tantrums and show off, usually win the day. Otherwise you may land up in the non-reclining last row and in a middle seat 30 B or 30 E, next to the toilet and surely be the last to leave the aircraft when the cleaning crew is rushing in and jostling for right of way in the isle.