GREET WITH A KISS – CUSTOMS AROUND THE WORLD

 

Kissing as a greeting is not popular among Indians. We stick to our Namaskar or Namaste with folded hands and only amongst friends do we extend our hand out to shake someone's hand. A jhappi or embrace is for very intimate friends and Modi ji's gesture of greeting foreign dignitaries but a pappi is reserved only for children and lovers in romantic situations.

 

A greeting kiss however, was fairly popular on either side of the Atlantic. Its demise was falsely predicted during the coronavirus pandemic, but this cultural habit is too ingrained in Europe to be abandoned, so be prepared to proffer a cheek – but leave your lips for more adventurous occasions.

The cheek kiss is more art than science. For world travelers, a basic understanding of how it works is essential, for if you make the wrong move and you risk offending the other person. Unlike a simple handshake or hug, circumstances that warrant the cheek kiss differ by culture, and the logistics are equally as varied: In Spain, one kiss on each cheek is common; in some parts of Afghanistan, it’s customary to kiss up to eight times.

Cheek-kissing is common across much of Europe and has made inroads into places formerly keen only on handshakes, such as Britain and Germany. In those countries, however, a single kiss is the limit and, with its overtones of Frenchified culture, usually only practiced among the middle and upper classes. Who Europeans kiss, as well as when and how many times, can depend on many things: their family relationship, length of acquaintance, type of social occasion and level of formality.

Europeans don’t just kiss in greeting. A cheek kiss may also be congratulatory or respectful and is also often expected again on departure, even among people who’ve been chatting for only a few minutes. However, a few simple rules should help you navigate this cheeky culture. You shouldn’t kiss anyone on the first meeting, or in a business context. Kissing implies some level of familiarity, though often a second or third meeting is enough to qualify you on social occasions.

If you’re a man, you should always wait for a woman to initiate the kiss – offer a hand or nod instead. The norm is male-female and female-female kissing. Male-male kissing is less widespread, though common in southern Italy, southern France, Spain and some parts of the Balkans. Male-male kissing also has a ceremonial purpose – you might see European male presidents and monarchs kissing at summits – or is confined to men within the family, or old friends who haven’t met for a considerable time.

Don’t attempt a literal kiss by planting your lips on someone’s cheek. Lean forward and merely brush cheeks – especially if wearing lipstick – while making a faint kissing sound. Place your hands lightly on the other person’s arms or shoulders. Don’t be stiff or awkward. The Eskimo Kiss is an intimate greeting where people press their noses together, observed among the Inuit people in the Arctic regions.

 

The Origins

In his new book One Kiss or Two: In Search of the Perfect Greeting, career diplomat Andy Scott speculates on the origins of the cheek-kissing tradition: “In his Epistle to the Romans, St. Paul instructed followers to ‘salute one another with a holy kiss.’ And so the ‘holy kiss’ became a common greeting among early Christians and a central part of Catholic ceremony.”

Over time, it’s possible that the biblical lip-to-lip salutation evolved into a kiss on the cheek, which would explain why the kiss greeting is popular in many densely Catholic countries. While the practice is also commonplace in parts of the Middle East and Asia, it’s ubiquitous in Latin America and continental Europe

Scott traces the kiss back to a peasant custom that was adopted by elites once lower classes began migrating into cities, suggesting that travelers are more likely to encounter kiss greetings in rural towns and villages than their metropolitan counterparts.

 

Hand Kissing

This gesture is a sign of courtesy and respect, though it is now rare and primarily reserved for formal or traditional settings. In some parts of Hungary and Romania, greeting someone, particularly an elder or woman, involves a verbal greeting that implies a kiss on the hand. The verbal expression "I kiss your hand" is used, which is a sign of respect and blessing. This gesture is a sign of courtesy and respect, though it is now rare and primarily reserved for formal or traditional settings. 

 

How many kisses?

A single kiss on each cheek is common in southern European countries such as Spain, Italy, Greece and Romania, while in the Low Countries (Belgium, Netherlandsand Luxembourg, Benelux, lower than sea level), Switzerland and certain regions of the Balkans you should go for three on alternating cheeks. France is most famous for its cheek kissing, with the number of kisses varying between one and four depending on the region: three in Burgundy and an exasperating four in Normandy and the Loire Valley, for example. You won’t go wrong if you stick to two, the norm in Paris.

Which side to start on has yet to be codified by the European Union, but you’ll be OK most of the time if you start with the right cheek. A notable exception is Italy, where the left is favoured.  No need to stress. Most people overlook the faux pas of foreigners, and the worst that will happen is that you go in for the lean only to be rejected with an out-thrust hand.

When it comes to the number of kisses here’s the common count for a sampling of other countries:

• One Kiss: Colombia, Argentina, Chile, Peru, the Philippines. In Spain to, one kiss on each cheek is common
• Two Kisses: Spain, Italy, Greece, Germany, Hungary, Romania, Croatia, Bosnia, Brazil (though, like France, the number can differ by region), and some Middle Eastern countries (though not between opposite sexes)
• Three Kisses: Belgium, Slovenia, Macedonia, Montenegro, Serbia, the Netherlands, Switzerland, Egypt, and Russia (where it’s accompanied by a bear hug)
• The maximum: in some parts of Afghanistan, it’s customary to kiss up to eight times.

 

The Continental Variation

If I have to give you a continental diift of the kissing pattern, then you will find it truly mind boggling:

Europe:

• France: Known as faire la bise, the number of kisses varies regionally. Parisians typically exchange two kisses, but in other areas, it can be three or four. In most of the country, people start with the right cheek, but in the south and southeast, the custom is to start with the left.
• Netherlands and Belgium: Three alternating kisses on the cheeks, starting with the right, are common among family and friends. Men typically reserve this for women and shake hands with other men.
• Italy: In much of Italy, people give two kisses, but customs can vary. While men often kiss female relatives and friends, it is also common for men to kiss other men, especially relatives or close friends.
• Russia: The traditional greeting among friends and relatives is three kisses on alternating cheeks, often accompanied by a bear hug.
• Spain: The standard greeting is two kisses on alternating cheeks, starting with the right. The gender of the kisser often doesn't matter as long as they are family or very close friends.
• Greece: Two kisses are common among friends and family, with regional variations. In some areas, men kiss other men, while in others, it is uncommon.
• United Kingdom: Kissing on the cheek is less common than in continental Europe, but a single kiss on one cheek is sometimes shared between friends. Hugs and handshakes are more frequent.

• Hungary: Kissing a person's hand is a traditional verbal greeting for elders and in rural communities.
• Poland: Kissing a woman's hand was historically a common gesture of respect, though it is considered largely obsolete today.

• Romania: Men may kiss a woman's hand when first introduced

Latin America 

The custom of cheek kissing is widespread and warm throughout Latin America, but the specifics vary by country.

• Argentina and Uruguay: A single cheek kiss is the standard greeting for everyone, including men kissing men. It's often paired with a hug.
• Brazil: Two kisses are common, though this can vary by region. In São Paulo, one kiss may be the norm.
• Colombia, Chile, and Peru: A single kiss on the cheek is standard.
• Ecuador: Women generally greet with a single kiss on the right cheek.
• Mexico: One kiss on the cheek is common between women and between a man and a woman.

Africa and the Middle East

Kissing greetings are common in many parts of the Middle East and North Africa, with rules often defined by religious and cultural customs.

• Kuwait and Oman: The nose kiss is a customary greeting between men.
• Middle East: In general, cheek kissing is common between same-sex friends and relatives. Public kissing between unrelated men and women is often considered inappropriate.
• Lebanon: Close relatives often exchange three kisses—left, right, then left—as a greeting.
• South Africa: Cheek kisses are shared primarily between male and female friends, while handshakes are more formal.
• Iran: Cheek kissing between friends and family is common, but kissing between unrelated individuals of the opposite sex is considered inappropriate in public.

Asia and Oceania 

Physical contact as a greeting is less common in many parts of Asia, while Oceania has a mix of customs, including nose touching.

• The Philippines: The cheek-to-cheek press is a common greeting, particularly among friends and family. It's usually a single press to the right cheek.
• Indonesia: In certain communities, a double-cheek kiss is standard for relatives.
• New Zealand (Maori): The traditional greeting is the hongi, where two people press their noses and foreheads together. The gesture is not a kiss but is highly intimate, representing the sharing of breath.
• East and Southeast Asia: In cultures influenced by Buddhist or Hindu traditions, cheek kissing is often uncommon and can be considered offensive. Public displays of affection are generally discouraged in countries like Japan and Thailand, where bowing is more traditional.

 

How many names?

A kiss, by name, has its charming differences—it's el beso in Spain, beijnhos in Portugal, beijos in Brazil, and beso-beso in the Philippines—but the logistics are fairly straightforward. You start by leaning in and placing right cheek to right cheek, before moving to the left side—and back and forth thereafter if additional pecks are required. The primary exception is Italy, which starts il bacio on the left.

 

What does the rest of your body do?

Don't know what to do with the rest of your body? If you stand at a distance with your arms at your sides, you may come off as aloof or unfriendly. If you're greeting someone you know well, a hug is acceptable. (There's only confusion when you go in for a hug without the kiss, while your partner puckers, and the misread leads to your faces mistakenly mashed together.) But for less familiar relations, you’re best served by gently placing your hands on the other person’s shoulders.

 

Kissing greetings generally signify warmth, familiarity, and affection, though the context and custom surrounding them differ. The number of kisses, the direction of the first kiss, and the gender of those who participate all vary by region and culture. When in doubt follow the lead. It's best to extend a hand first and see what the local does, or follow their lead to avoid awkwardness or offense.