CHILD PSYCHOLOGY I NEVER KNEW

 

Child Psychology studies how children grow, learn, and develop. Recently I had a patient, who was a child psychologist by profession and talking to her got me interested in how child psychology helps us understand young minds’ thought processes, exploring the mysteries of their thoughts and behaviours. It reveals the unique challenges and experiences children face in the early phases of life i.e. infancy, childhood, and adolescence and understanding child psychology is important for parents and educators to give effective support and guidance to the children. 

Children are like sponges, soaking up everything around them, including the words we use. Although some phrases may seem harmless to adults, they can have unintended consequences when heard by impressionable young minds. Talking to my child psychologist patient was truly revealing, and I have no reason to deny that I got it all wrong. She recommended that we avoid certain phrases when addressing our children, as they can cause confusion for them or muddle the messages we are trying to convey. Honestly speaking, I was stumped, and I am quite sure you will be as well.

 

1. “I’m not going to help you.” “Main tumhari madat nahin karoonga”

Encouraging children to be independent is important, but psychologists advise against using phrasing that might unintentionally discourage them from seeking help later on. Instead of saying, “I’m not going to help you,” experts suggest a more supportive approach: "Give it your best shot, and if you need assistance, I'm here to help you figure it out." This conveys confidence in the child's capabilities while emphasizing the availability of parental support when needed.

 

2. "Great job." “Shabash”

Research shows that using generic terms like ‘Shabash”, "Good girl" or "Way to go" while applauding your child's accomplishments may cause them to rely on your approval rather than their own intrinsic motivation. Instead, parenting experts suggest reserving praise for moments deserving of genuine recognition and providing specific feedback. For instance, rather than a general "Super game," offer targeted praise like, "That was an excellent catch. I appreciate how you quick your reflexes were behind the stumps."

 

3. "Hurry up!" “Jaldi karo”

Using the term "Hurry up!" around children might unintentionally communicate a sense of haste, which can lead to increased stress and anxiety. Children are still developing their time-management abilities and may not completely understand the notion of time restrictions. Constantly hearing "hurry up" might make them feel rushed and stressed, perhaps impairing their ability to focus or complete things successfully. Instead, softly encourage them with a gentler voice, such as, "Let's pick up the pace." This subtly indicates that you are partners in the situation and this is a collective effort.

 

4. “Calm down.” “Chup ho jao”

While it may seem instinctive to tell a loudly upset child to calm down, this strategy is often unhelpful. In most instances, children are not able to find solace in being instructed to suppress their emotions. It is important to acknowledge children's emotions and teaching them effective self-regulation techniques. Instead of commanding them to calm down or stop crying, offering a comforting hug, practicing deep breathing together, or gently redirecting their attention can aid children in managing overwhelming emotions. Often, your calm and consistent presence might give them the reassurance they need.

 

5. “It’s not a big deal.” “Koi baat nahin”

While we might view an issue as trivial, it can hold genuine significance for our children. Such remarks often invalidate the child's emotions, potentially leading them to feel disregarded or that their feelings lack importance. This approach may also prompt a child to doubt themselves and the legitimacy of their emotions or experiences. Rather than dismissing their feelings, consider using an open-ended question, such as, "It seems like this is bothering you—could you tell me more about why you're feeling upset?" Now you have given the child a window of opportunity to reassess the significance of the situation himself/herself.

 

6. "We can't afford that.” “Itne paise nahin hain”

Never go for this approach when your child pleads for the latest toy. This remark can imply a lack of financial responsibility, which may worry children. Instead, use statements such as, "We're allocating our funds for more essential items." If the child persists, this is an excellent opportunity to talk about budgeting and financial literacy. You can teach them to save from their pocket money for a play station or a Lego toy.

 

7. "No dessert unless you finish dinner."

Using this expression may inflate a child's perception of the treat's value, ultimately reducing their enjoyment of the meal. Instead, consider reframing your message to say: "Let's focus on finishing our meal first, and then we can indulge in dessert." This subtle change in wording is likely to have a more favorable impact on your child's perspective.

 

8. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” “Hame pahle kyon nahin bataya?”

Child psychologists advise against inadvertently making children feel punished when they express themselves. It's essential to maintain a focus on their emotions and reassure them of our availability to listen. Instead of shifting attention to our own reactions, consider responding with gratitude, such as saying, "Thank you for confiding in me," this will encourage your child to confide in you and appreciate that you might have answers to most of their troubles.

 

Cultural, Social and Socio-economic background

Understanding cultural, social and socioeconomic contexts are crucial as they strongly influence children’s development and behaviours. The Cultural Context refers to the cultural environment in which a child grows up. This includes aspects such as cultural beliefs, traditions, language, and customs that influence a child’s development and identity formation. Social Context refers to a child’s social environment, including family dynamics, peer relationships, and community influences. It examines how social interactions, role models, and societal expectations impact a child’s socialization, emotional development, and behaviour. Finally Socioeconomic Context refers to the economic circumstances in which a child grows up, including family income, access to education, healthcare, and community resources. It examines how socioeconomic factors influence a child’s opportunities, resources, and overall well-being.

 

Child Psychology plays an important role in understanding and shaping children’s behaviours. By studying the role of cognitive, emotional, and social factors, psychologists can identify underlying causes of behaviour.