DO YOU HAVE TOO MUCH IN YOUR PLATE?

Are you one of those who frequently make the noble endeavor of taking responsibility and helping almost anyone who approaches you with a problem? Is this transforming into a heavy burden that is leaving you on the brink of exhaustion? In situations where we bear more than our fair share of responsibility, we often stretch beyond our capacity, leading to a disregard for our own personal boundaries. Over-responsibility isn't merely about taking on tasks; it is a complex emotional condition that can cause extensive burnouts, both physically and psychologically.

 

 

Whether you are a mother or an office do gooder if you are prone to over-responsibility you are nothing but an extreme people-pleaser. These people routinely suppress their own needs and desires to cater to others, with the aim of avoiding conflict, criticism, rejection, disappointment, or loss. Trapped in this pattern, they often find themselves performing commendable acts for the wrong reasons, and often for the wrong people, as they see no alternative method of coping. I have, over the years, analyzed these people from close quarters and have picked up a few strikingly common symptoms in them:

 

 

1. Difficulty Declining Requests:

When asked to undertake tasks that they are uncomfortable with or disagree with, they often find it extremely challenging to decline. Even if they muster the courage to say no, they are besieged by intense guilt, causing further stress and anxiety. It's important to remember that every individual has the right to refuse tasks or commitments that they are uncomfortable with or that infringe on their personal time and space. Learning to say no can be an empowering experience and a critical step towards reducing the responsibility clutter in your life.

 

 

 2. Inability to Seek Help:

These people who are over-responsible, battle their struggles single-handedly, never asking for help. They have an in-built urge to solve all problems on their own, a trait that can lead to unnecessary stress and isolation. The inability to seek help could stem from fear of rejection or judgment. However, remember, it's okay to ask for assistance when needed; it doesn't undermine your capabilities or independence. The person whose responsibility you are sharing must be the first person you should ask for help. Remember, even God helps those who help themselves, and you are not even God!

 

 

 3. A Sense of Constant Rush:

Over-responsible individuals often feel like they are perpetually running out of time. They try to fit more tasks into their day than they can handle, resulting in constant stress and a sense of rush. Recognizing that time is a finite resource and prioritizing tasks effectively can help manage this feeling.

 

 

4. Suppression of Individual Abilities:

Over-responsible individuals often downplay their abilities to avoid overshadowing others. While it's considerate to value others' talents, suppressing one's abilities can lead to a decreased sense of self-worth. Recognizing and embracing your abilities does not necessarily mean undermining others.

 

 

5. Putting their personal needs last:

As they strive to meet the needs of others, they de-prioritize our own needs, wants, and expectations, thinking that they aren't important enough to be discussed or pursued. Mothers are most guilty in this regard. They put their children’s needs first, husband and his parent’s needs next, her parent’s and sibling’s needs third and their own needs last! This could manifest poorly in different aspects of life, including personal aspirations, physical health, or emotional well-being. Remember, your needs are just as important as those of others, and attending to them isn't selfish but rather an essential act of self-care.

 

 

6. Pursuing independence at the expense of well-being:

Over-responsible individuals often strive for the pinnacle of independence, even if it costs their well-being. This quest for complete self-reliance can lead to burnout and might even jeopardize interpersonal relationships. It's crucial to understand that while independence is a commendable trait, it's okay, and sometimes necessary, to depend on others. I have worked with Unit Chiefs of surgical departments who would insist on operating from skin to skin themselves and then do the dressings too. Naturally their operating list continued for extended hours and they could not attend other academic duties and were left tired and unfulfilled at the end of the day. I have also worked with smart Unit Chiefs who would join the surgery when they are most required, teach us a few tricks, share with us some pearls of wisdom and leave to attend to their other duties. Their operating list chugged ahead with clockwork precision and everyone was happy. Identifying over-responsibility in yourself is the first step towards managing it. By understanding these signs and working to balance your responsibilities, you can begin to alleviate the undue burden and cultivate a healthier approach to responsibilities.

 

 

7. Perfectionism and fear of making mistakes:

Over-responsible individuals often strive for perfection in every task they undertake. The prospect of making mistakes or not meeting high standards can create an overwhelming sense of fear. Perfectionism, while occasionally beneficial, often serves as an impediment to productivity and satisfaction. Remember, perfection is the enemy of good! So, stop when it is 'good'. Recognizing that everyone makes mistakes and that perfection isn't always achievable is essential. Learning from mistakes, rather than fearing them, can lead to personal and professional growth.

 

 

8. Over-analyzing and over-thinking:

Over-responsibility often manifests in over-analyzing situations and over-thinking decisions. These individuals end up spending considerable time weighing the pros and cons of every decision, however small, leading to mental exhaustion. This behavior stems from a desire to control outcomes and prevent any possibility of error. Learning to trust your instincts and make decisions without obsessing over every possible outcome can significantly reduce stress and improve efficiency. Years of practicing medicine has taught us that 2 plus 2 does not always turn out to be 4. There are factors beyond our control. A certain level of uncertainty is there in all spheres of life. Even space missions and lunar landings, which are so meticulously planned, have gone wrong!  

 

 

9. Difficulty Delegating Tasks:

The over-responsible people find it hard to delegate tasks because they believe that others might not do them 'correctly' or to their standards. This attitude can lead to a mounting workload and unnecessary stress. Delegating isn't a sign of incompetence; instead, it reflects efficient management skills and trust in others' abilities. Very early in my residency days I was taught the rule of 3Ds – one third of pending work is unimportant so DELETE; one third can be done by others too so DELEGATE and the third that remains DO. Learning to delegate can free up your time and allow you to focus on tasks that demand your specific skills and expertise.

 

 

10. Neglecting Self-care:

Over-responsible people often neglect self-care as they prioritize other people's needs over their own. This can range from ignoring physical health by skipping meals or exercise, to neglecting mental health by not giving themselves time to relax or engage in activities they enjoy. It's crucial to understand that self-care isn't a luxury but a necessity. Regularly setting aside time for self-care can significantly improve your overall well-being and productivity. Failing to do this leads to early burn-outs.

 

 

Remember, recognizing over-responsibility is the first step in addressing it. Are you too a member of this club? By identifying these behaviors and working to mitigate them, you can create a more balanced approach to responsibilities and enhance your overall wellbeing. Having too much in your plate is neither good for you, nor your colleagues and ultimately the work you are expected to perform will suffer too.