THE VALUE OF SOLITUDE

Solitude is the art of being alone without being lonely. It is about being  disconnected from worldly distractions, rebooting the brain and discovering oneself and finding one’s inner voice. It undoubtedly improves concentration and increases productivity but how listening to the winds in the trees, watching butterflies, enjoying silence can do such wonders, you have to practice to experience it.

As a society, we are conditioned to value socializing. Having friends and spending time with them is a sign you’re someone… well, worth having as a friend. I, most certainly, don’t mean to take away the value of friendships, what I am emphasizing is that wanting to spend time by yourself is perfectly normal and even necessary. Spending time alone gives us a better understanding of who we are and what we desire in life. It also enables us to make better choices about who we want to be around. We also tend to become more appreciative of the relationships that we do have, and surely enhance their quality.

Humans have long stigmatized solitude. It has been considered an inconvenience, something to avoid, a punishment, or a realm of loners. Science has often aligned it with negative outcomes. Freud, who linked solitude with anxiety, noted that, “in children the first phobias relating to situations are those of darkness and solitude.” But, there is a stark difference between being lonely and being alone. Loneliness is a negative feeling of isolation, sadness, and overall lack of wellbeing. But being alone does not have to be lonely- on the contrary! Alone time can be cultivated and made enjoyable and peaceful. We can turn the hours spent on our own into a time of recharge and growth.

 There is a catch to all of this: For solitude to be beneficial, certain preconditions must be met. Solitude can be productive only: if it is voluntary, if one can regulate one’s emotions “effectively,” if one can join a social group when desired, and if one can maintain positive relationships outside of it. When such conditions aren’t met, yes, solitude can be harmful. The difference between solitude as rejuvenation and solitude as suffering is the quality of self-reflection that one can generate while in it, and the ability to come back to social groups when one wants to. If you are spending time alone because you lack friends, don’t like people, or have social anxiety, then solitude is less of a choice and it can have damaging effects leading to loneliness and depression. However, those who seek solitude for positive reasons such as self-reflection, a desire for peace and quiet, or to pursue personal interests (like creative hobbies) benefit much more from spending time alone.

Solitude gives you time to think deeply. Everyday chores, responsibilities, as well as stress and worries, can often get the better of us. In the era of hyper-connectivity the social media – WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram are also eating into our time. This constant motion, of feeling as though we continually have something to do or to think about, prevents us from engaging in deep thought and reflection. But not taking the time to reflect on our life can often inhibit creativity and lessen productivity. Spending time alone, however, with no distractions, is one of the best ways to clear the mind. It enables us to focus, to think more clearly and it also gives us the opportunity to revitalize, not only our mind but our body too.

So how to find that elusive “me time” in your busy schedule? Here are my tips:

1. Add it to your daily agenda: Give your alone time a place of importance, and it is not just a filler between events. It is a conscious choice you are making for your own wellbeing. 
2. Disconnect from social media: Seeing what others are up to or checking emails might interrupt your peace of mind. If you have already made the time to enjoy your own company, you would do yourself a favor by putting your phone aside for a bit.
3. Become creative: Give your thoughts and ideas an outlet by practicing your creative field of choice. It might be writing, painting, cooking, playing an instrument, or even small house repairs. Being creative is one of the most satisfying feelings there is.
4. Make future plans: Reflecting can often lead to thoughts about the future and help you to plan your day, week or year. Maybe even your next trip. Figure out what your personal goals are and how you would go about attaining them. Take care of short-term goals first, and then make sure you’re on the right track for long term ones.
5. Just observe: If you have decided to go out and grab a coffee, or any other ‘outside’ activity, don’t take out your phone or tablet and pretend to be busy. Look around you; watch the people around, look at the sky and the street. You’ll be amazed at the things you’ll notice, all the stuff that you have glanced over but never really observed.
6. Choose your outdoor activities: There is something very liberating and special about doing something you would normally do with others, by yourself. Go to the movies, go out to dinner, or visit a museum. No one will ask for ‘a bit’ of your fries, or argue on what film to watch. You are the boss.
7. Pick up a new hobby: Avoid spending all your time alone in idleness. Always wanted to learn a language or how to play an instrument? There is no better time to start! Using your alone time to learn a new skill is fulfilling and important for your inner growth.
8. Do the silly stuff: Do all of the things that you probably wouldn’t do with someone around. Sing, dance, read loudly, recite a poem, try Yoga poses or smell the grass and the flowers. The best thing about living alone, or at least spending an evening alone, is having that freedom. 
9. Appreciate that you are self sufficient: One of the biggest upsides to getting comfortable with your own company is that it makes you more attractive to others! Learning how to rely on yourself leads to a feeling of independence and confidence. There is nothing wrong with relying on your loved ones when you need to, but relying on yourself is an invaluable skill.

While humans are a social species who naturally crave relationships and social interaction, solitude can often be a necessary counter-balance to our busy and hectic social world. If you find yourself daydreaming about being alone on a deserted island, I’m going bet you aren’t incorporating enough alone time or “me time” into your life. Set aside a few minutes each day to be alone with your thoughts — just 10 minutes a day can help. Silence your electronics and allow yourself to think for a few minutes. If you aren’t used to solitude, it can feel uncomfortable at first. But creating that quiet time for yourself could be key to becoming the best version of yourself.