Do you remember how every time you tried to lie when you were a child
your mother would somehow know the truth……that was her motherly instinct mostly
but partly your own body language which would scream ‘lie’ even though you
vouched to the contrary. Recently I read a wonderful book called The Body
Language Advantage, written by a world-renowned communication and body language expert Lillian Glass,
Ph.D. After reading this book I realized
how quickly and accurately one can analyze a person’s behavior and character
and know more about that complete stranger across the room than his friends and
family probably do—and, what is intriguing is he’ll be none the wiser! And we can use our
skills anywhere—from the interview room, to business meetings, to social events,
to our own home.
Through more than
95 full-color photos and accessible instructions, Dr. Glass in her book shows
how to expertly examine all aspects of body language, from facial expression
and movement, to body posture and behavior, to voice tone and speech content,
so that we can get the whole picture quickly and efficiently, and use it to react
wisely with our own reactions and decisions. She also shows how to recognize
the top ten toxic types of people—so that we can effectively deal with such
individuals in real life. The author has has lectured
on body language and deception to law enforcement agencies, including the FBI
and appeared in several TV shows and writes a body language blog too.
Body language is
the unspoken element of communication that we use to reveal our true feelings
and emotions. Our gestures, facial expressions and posture all add up to make
the complete picture. Understanding the body language can be a secret weapon to
understanding and using nonverbal communication, speech patterns, and vocal
tones to spot and head off problems in relationships, succeed professionally,
recognize deception, and determine what people really mean.
When we are able to
"read" these signs, we can use it to our advantage. For example, it
can help us to understand the complete message of what someone is
trying to say to us, and to enhance our awareness of people's reactions to what we say
and do.
Self Improvement:
We can also use it
to adjust our own body language so that we appear more positive, engaging and
approachable. When we use positive body language, it can add strength to
the verbal messages or ideas that we want to convey, and help us to avoid
sending mixed or confusing signals.
The key to success
in many areas of our lives is confidence. Confident people stand out at work,
in social situations, and in group settings. In fact, studies have shown that
those who appear more confident, are able to achieve a higher status than their
less confident peers. Consequently, they wield more influence and tend to be
more admired and listened to. They also have access to better resources.
Good First impression:
It is vital in any
relationship – personal or professional to give a good first impression. This
can be done by:
1.
Having an
open posture. Be relaxed, but don't slouch! Sit or stand upright and place
your hands by your sides. Avoid standing with your hands on your hips, as this
will make you appear larger, which can communicate aggression or a desire to
dominate.
2.
Using a
firm handshake. But don't get carried away! You don't want it to become awkward
or, worse, painful for the other person. If it does, you'll likely come across
as rude or aggressive.
3.
Maintaining
good eye contact. Try to hold the other person's gaze for a few seconds at
a time. This will show her that you're sincere and engaged. But, avoid turning
it into a staring match!
4.
Avoid
touching your face. There's a common perception that people who touch
their faces while answering questions are being dishonest. While this
isn't always true, it's best to avoid fiddling with your hair or touching your
mouth or nose, particularly if your aim is to come across as trustworthy.
Course correction is possible:
If you are not as
confident as you would like to be some slight modifications to your body
language can have a huge impact. All you need to do is learn to fake it until
you make it with these few tricks.
1. Keep your chin and head up
Confident people
are always looking up, never down at the table, the ground, or their feet. Dr.
Glass feels that "you have to always pretend that there's a string holding
the crown of your head up."
2. Eye contact
One of the ways to
maintain confidence is to keep eye contact in social interactions. Maintaining
eye contact shows that you are interested and comfortable. You should
try keeping eye contact for about 60% of the time. Appear confident by
maintaining eye contact in social interactions. If however direct eye contact
feels too intimidating, just look at a spot close to the person's eyes.
3. Stand up straight
Standing up
straight will help you project confidence, authority, and poise. On the other
hand, slouching makes you look unprofessional and disinterested. Roll both of
your shoulders back and avoid looking tense by allowing your upper body muscles
back to relax, maintaining firmness in your core.
4. Lean forward
If you are
conversing with someone, leaning forward indicates interest and attention.
Although it can be tempting to maintain distance if you are socially
anxious, this conveys the message that you are disinterested or aloof.
5. Plant your feet in an open, wide stance
Yes, people are
looking at your feet and the correct stance can demonstrate confidence. Standing
with your feet too close together can make you appear timid. Generally, aim for
a stance that's in line with your hips and shoulders. You also want to keep
your feet about a foot apart, pointing outward. "A confident person
literally has two feet firmly planted on the ground," Glass says.
"You're more balanced physically, and it shows more confidence than if
your legs are crossed or together." It is also good to keep in mind the
difference between an open and closed stance when talking to someone. Keeping
your feet angled outwards and in the direction of the person that you are speaking
too shows interest, trust, and receptiveness. Alternatively, a closed stance
conveys disinterest.
6. Gesture with your palms up
Gesturing with your
palms up gives the illusion of honesty, and this will make you appear more
confident. So aim for broad, smooth motions. This will show composure and
poise.
7. Don't fidget
Fidgeting is a sign
of anxiety and nervousness. To appear more confident, keep your fidgeting to a
minimum and bear in mind that nervous movements draw attention away from what
you are saying, making it hard for others to focus on your message.
8. Keep your hands out of your pockets and
always visible
Putting your hands
in your pockets is one of the worst things you can do if you want to appear confident.
Make sure your hands are always visible, never hiding. We hide our hands when
we're nervous, so putting your hands in your pockets sends a message that
you're uncomfortable or uncertain.
9. Uncross your arms
Crossing your arms
has a negative effect; this makes you appear closed off and unreceptive. Open
arms makes you warm and receptive, open to newer ideas and suggestions.
10. Cut out 'um' and 'like'
Confidence is
measured in the way you speak, so it's important to be aware of your mannerisms
and tone. According to Dr. Glass, "You want to speak while pressing down
firmly on your abdominal muscles because you'll have a more confident, lower,
more powerful voice. Cut out words such as 'um' and 'like,' and practice being
more articulate." Don't run through your words, try to speak precisely and
directly, and don't be afraid to use
inflection in your tone and show enthusiasm, because this shows confidence.
11. Be interested, not interesting
Focus on the people
you are engaged with, as opposed to worrying about how others will perceive
you. Listen to them very carefully – what is the message they are
communicating? Do not focus on yourself and your self-consciousness.
12. Move slowly and take large steps.
Fast movements will
make you appear more anxious. Notice your hand gestures, your walking stride -
all of which can make a difference. Slowing down will make you feel more
confident. As you slow down, begin to take longer strides as you walk.
Confident people take larger steps and walk with authority. Doing so will make
you feel less anxious.
Public Speaking:
In public speaking
what you speak is important but how you speak is even more important. So while
speaking in public your body language becomes a vital cog in the communication
wheel.
1.
Have a positive posture: Sit or stand upright, with your
shoulders back and your arms unfolded and at your sides or in front of you.
Don't be tempted to put your hands in your pockets, or to slouch, as this will
make you look disinterested.
2.
Keep your head up. Your head should be upright and level.
Leaning too far forward or backward can make you look aggressive or arrogant.
3.
Practice and perfect your posture. You'd practice your presentation
beforehand, so why not practice your body language, too? Stand in a relaxed
manner, with your weight evenly distributed. Keep one foot slightly in front of
the other – this will help you to maintain your posture.
4.
Use open hand gestures. Spread your hands apart, in front of
you, with your palms facing slightly toward your audience. This indicates a
willingness to communicate and to share ideas. Keep your upper arms close to
your body. Take care to avoid over expression, or people may pay more attention
to your hands than to what you're saying.
5.
Are you losing their attention? If you notice that your audience's
concentration is starting to slip, try to lean slightly forward while you
speak. This suggests that you are taking them into your confidence and will
help you to regain their attention.
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