Who are the people whom you call friends? Do you
have many? Do you have some? Do you have any? Do you use this term ‘friend’
very loosely in an all encompassing manner? Or are you very choosy when it
comes to conferring this title? There are many with whom I interact day in and
day out - they are my colleagues from work, my batch-mates from King George’s
Medical College, my school-mates from Colvin, my neighbors, my acquaintances,
my patients and their relatives but just because I know them by their first name
they do not qualify for the coveted title of ‘friend’. Over the years I have
put a very high price tag on this title!
So naturally, the next questions who can qualify to
be my friend? I am of the opinion that when I take an interest in someone, I do
to a certain extent like them to reflect the qualities, morals and values that
I have in life, but that doesn't mean if one is lacking them, they have no
chance of qualifying. That is because though I like myself, I do not like my
prototypes. One me is enough, the second one will surely be intolerable! So
what are the qualities I look for in a friend? There are only two in fact –
rich and influential…….but with a twist
To qualify as my friend I look for richness in
honesty, reliability and trustworthiness. The next three qualities which
attract me are individuality, positivity and openness. And the last three are
empathy, humor and passion. With these ‘navaratnas’ (nine jewels in Sanskrit
and Hindi) I expect the person to have an everlasting influence and an
indelible impression on me and constantly improve me as a human being. If I
don’t strike a bargain, I can call the person every other name but not a 'friend'.
Friendship is a win-win relationship in which both
friends end up winning and there are no losers. Honesty and trust go hand in
hand. If someone can’t look into my eyes and be straight with me I suddenly
switch off. I much prefer the truth, even if it is a little blunt at times - I
have no time for lies. There is no litmus test for trust but generally I trust
my instinct, I usually know who I can and cannot trust. My attitude is; trust
them until they prove me wrong.
I enjoy the company of people who love being
'themselves' and are clearly comfortable with their life, who are happy with
who they are and what they do for a living. They don’t always struggle to prove
themselves right but enjoy everything that life brings in their way. If they
promise me something, they go an extra mile to deliver and they don’t make
excuses. I am not a saint at all times so I need friends with a certain amount
of tolerance and understanding which I hope to reciprocate.
I like happy people! I like people who are full of
life, dynamic and impulsive. Our attitude plays a vital role in our social
interactions, how we view things makes us who we are - either effervescence of positivity and optimism or grave stone of negativity and pessimism. But if
we learn to focus on the good and not waste time thinking about the things that
bug us, we display a radiant and positive attitude which in turn is infectious.
I need a friend who can laugh and love to see others laugh and live in the
moment and for the moment. His/her company should mean instant joy and optimism
all around!
Gossips and idle chit-chat is not my style, but to
open closed books is not my hobby either. I admire people who are brave enough
to share their thoughts with me and express an opinion of their own that may be
absolutely contrary to mine. That does not mean that I tolerate cold hearted
and mean spirited people, their opinions may differ and we may disagree at
times but never be disagreeable. Their warmth, kindness, consideration and love
cannot be linked to whether we see eye to eye.
I love people with a passion for life. When someone
is passionate or enthusiastic about life, their energy and drive draws me in.
Passion oozes out of them and I can't help but admire this. Such people have a mission in life and are
goal oriented and I feel inspired in their company. I like people to have
morals and I like them live by their morals and not someone else's. Morals not
only give their character structure and substance they also sets standards of
decency.
When we step back and look at our mythology the two most
outstanding examples of good friends were Karna and Krishna, but this where
their similarities ended. Duryodhan broke all the rules of the
prevailing caste system and gave Karna, the son of the charioteer, a status
which his skill, talent and knowledge deserved. Karna in order to show his gratitude towards this
unconditional friendship vowed to help and assist Duryodhan all through his
life and in all conditions, good or bad. This is the reason why he
did not side with Pandavas even when Lord Krishna exploded with the truth that
he is one of the Pandava brothers and son of non other than Lord Surya himself.
Krishna, on the other hand, was a friend to both, Sudama, the poor Brahmin and
Arjuna, the Pandava archer prince but his friendship was not blind. He did not
hesitate to suggest course correction to either of his friends when they were
blinded by ‘moha’ or mirage of worldly bondages and to Arjun he offered the
ultimate gift of friendship – the essence of Gita!
So
let us decide once and for all, what sort of a friend we need – a Karna, who
will be with us through thick and thin no matter how wrong we are or a Krishna
who will guide our destiny and enrich our lives! The choice is yours!
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