Wednesday 31 October 2018

THE VITRUVIAN MAN



Leonardo da Vinci's image of the Vitruvian Man is an iconic symbol of human proportions.  The Vitruvian Man (Italian: Le proporzioni del corpo umano secondo Vitruvio, which is translated to "The proportions of the human body according to Vitruvius"), is a drawing made by the Italian polymath around 1490.

Nearly everyone has seen it, even if they haven't had a name for it: a naked male contained within a circle and square. It is a study of the ideal proportions of the human form. It is part of a book written by Luca Pacioli known as the 'Divine Proportion'. While da Vinci was more of an artist, he was also a dedicated scientist, illustrating the things he observed and designing feats of engineering. Vitruvian Man is a study of the human form visually perfected through the application of mathematics. A big part of this attempt at idealism and naturalism was to figure out the proper proportions of the human body, how the various parts compared to each other and to the larger whole. People, such as da Vinci, saw mathematics as a universal constant, with proper proportions repeating themselves across the universe.

It is known as the Vitruvian Man because it is actually an illustration of concepts described by the Roman Vitruvius in the 1st century BC. Vitruvius, in turn, was actually describing a work known as the 'Canon' by Polykleitos, a Greek from the 5th century BC.

The drawing, Vitruvian Man, is based on the correlations of ideal human body proportions with geometry described by the ancient Roman architect Vitruvius in Book III of his treatise De architectura. Vitruvius described the human figure as being the principal source of proportion among the classical orders of architecture. Vitruvius determined that the ideal body should be eight heads high. Leonardo's drawing is traditionally named in honor of the architect.

The drawing is accompanied by notes based on the work of the architect Vitruvius. The drawing, which is in ink on paper, depicts a man in two superimposed positions with his arms and legs apart and inscribed in a circle and square. It is kept in the Gabinetto dei disegni e stampe of the Gallerie dell'Accademia, in Venice, Italy, under reference 228. Like most works on paper, it is displayed to the public only occasionally, so it is not part of the normal exhibition of the museum.

This image demonstrates the blend of mathematics and art during the Renaissance and shows Leonardo's deep understanding of proportion. In addition, this picture represents a cornerstone of Leonardo's attempts to relate man to nature. Encyclopædia Britannica online states, "Leonardo envisaged the great picture chart of the human body he had produced through his anatomical drawings and Vitruvian Man as a cosmografia del minor mondo (cosmography of the microcosm). He believed the workings of the human body to be an analogy for the workings of the universe.

According to Leonardo's preview in the accompanying text, written in mirror writing, it was made as a study of the proportions of the (male) human body as described in Vitruvius. The text is in two parts, above and below the image.

The first paragraph of the upper part reports Vitruvius: "Vetruvio, architect, puts in his work on architecture that the measurements of man are in nature distributed in this manner, that is:
  • ·         palm is four fingers
  • ·         foot is four palms
  • ·         cubit is six palms
  • ·         four cubits make a man
  • ·         pace is four cubits
  • ·         a man is 24 palms


and these measurements are in his buildings". The second paragraph reads: "if you open your legs enough that your head is lowered by one-fourteenth of your height and raise your hands enough that your extended fingers touch the line of the top of your head, know that the centre of the extended limbs will be the navel, and the space between the legs will be an equilateral triangle".

The lower section of text gives these proportions:
  • ·         the length of the outspread arms is equal to the height of a man
  • ·         from the hairline to the bottom of the chin is one-tenth of the height of a man
  • ·         from below the chin to the top of the head is one-eighth of the height of a man
  • ·         from above the chest to the top of the head is one-sixth of the height of a man
  • ·         from above the chest to the hairline is one-seventh of the height of a man.
  • ·         the maximum width of the shoulders is a quarter of the height of a man.
  • ·         from the breasts to the top of the head is a quarter of the height of a man.
  • ·         the distance from the elbow to the tip of the hand is a quarter of the height of a man.
  • ·         the distance from the elbow to the armpit is one-eighth of the height of a man.
  • ·         the length of the hand is one-tenth of the height of a man.
  • ·         the root of the penis is at half the height of a man.
  • ·         the foot is one-seventh of the height of a man.
  • ·         from below the foot to below the knee is a quarter of the height of a man.
  • ·         from below the knee to the root of the penis is a quarter of the height of a man.
  • ·         the distances from below the chin to the nose and the eyebrows and the hairline are equal to the ears and to one-third of the face.



The points determining these proportions are marked with lines on the drawing. Below the drawing itself is a single line equal to a side of the square and divided into four cubits, of which the outer two are divided into six palms each, two of which have the mirror-text annotation "palmi"; the outermost two palms are divided into four fingers each, and are each annotated "diti".

In the human body the central point is naturally the navel. For if a man be placed flat on his back, with his hands and feet extended, and a pair of compasses centred at his navel, the fingers and toes of his two hands and feet will touch the circumference of a circle described therefrom. And just as the human body yields a circular outline, so too a square figure may be found from it. For if we measure the distance from the soles of the feet to the top of the head, and then apply that measure to the outstretched arms, the breadth will be found to be the same as the height, as in the case of plane surfaces which are perfectly square.

It may be noticed by examining the drawing that the combination of arm and leg positions actually creates sixteen different poses. The pose with the arms straight out and the feet together is seen to be inscribed in the superimposed square. On the other hand, the "spread-eagle" pose is seen to be inscribed in the superimposed circle.



The classic drawing has changed many hands. It was purchased from Gaudenzio de' Pagave by Giuseppe Bossi, who described, discussed and illustrated it in his monograph on Leonardo's The Last SupperDel Cenacolo di Leonardo da Vinci libri quattro (1810). The following year he excerpted the section of his monograph concerned with the Vitruvian Man and published it as Delle opinioni di Leonardo da Vinci intorno alla simmetria de'Corpi Umani (1811). After Bossi's death in 1815 the Vitruvian Man was acquired in 1822, along with a number of his drawings, by the Gallerie dell'Accademia in Venice, Italy, and has remained there since.

Tuesday 30 October 2018

RAISING BILINGUAL CHILDREN - ADVANTAGE INDIA


In most of the western countries raising bilingual children, or in other words, giving the child the gift of a second language other than his/her mother-tongue, is a big issue. In India however this ability comes to our children almost automatically. So, we must be doing something right, and doing it so proficiently that we do not consider it to be a big deal. But actually it is. If you are not belonging to the Hindi heartland but have migrated there because of your professional compulsions, the children end up learning not two but three languages almost effortlessly! This is because of the vast linguistic diversity of our Nation and the two language formula of our school education.

Today, with the development of global international culture, more and more parents want to give their young children as many language skills as possible - not only one native tongue but also other languages that can be used for the better in the future; for those who aren’t native English speakers, English is, of course, usually at the top of the list, but also Spanish, German, Italian, Chinese, Bengali and French can be on the list of languages you’d want to teach your child as these remain the most spoken languages in the world! An extra language proficiency is a huge plus in the job market and it opens the child to a whole new world of literature and culture.

Our desire as parents is to help our children become bi or even a multi-lingual, as early as possible, however, the fears in doing this often outweigh the desire. A lot of myths revolve around the issue of bilingual and multi-lingual child rearing which bother many parents who ultimately decide to abandon this worthy goal in the western world. But our experience in India is a clear testimony as to why they are wrong and why it’s worthwhile and recommended to overcome these fears and begin the process of teaching your child more languages at an early age.

Will learning two languages simultaneously confuse the child?
Many of those who argue against the introduction of an additional language cling to the myth that the extra language can confuse a child leading to them using both languages in one sentence. But it is important that you know that although this may happen, it isn’t really harmful; On the contrary, it is an act of ingenuity on the part of the child, and an intelligent use of all the tools at their disposal in order to convey an idea and to convey a certain message in a clearer and understandable way. The English spoken in almost every state in India has a distinct flavor of the state’s native language with its own distinctive accent. So, though grammatically it remains Queen’s English, certain local words, phrases and most importantly the diction adds a very distinctive native fragrance. Thus Hinglish of the Hindi Heartland, the Rosogolla accent of Bengal, the rustic English of Punjab, the heavily accented English of Tamilnadu are all spoken and understood, though initially with a bit of difficulty,
Experts agree that the mixing of languages is temporary, and eventually, as the vocabulary of the child in the two languages learned will increase, and the more exposed they are to both languages, the habit will disappear. We, as adults, also tend to mix languages unintentionally when we don’t know how to say a particular term in a single language or when a word in another language sounds better or more accurate in describing a situation. After all what are the English equivalents of Veranda, Jungle, Bandanna, Dinghy, Pajama, Juggernaut, Cashmere, Thug, Chutney, Loot, Bungalow? The Empire is striking back and these words are already in the English dictionaries.

Will bilingualism delay speech development?
There are those who argue that trying to teach two languages will cause a general delay in the development of speech and communication. This concern is based on a number of incidents that have occurred, but the delay has always been temporary, and this isn’t true for everyone. Unfortunately, many western parents who are concerned about language development difficulties stop the learning process and return to teaching their child only one language.
We in our family have seen that bilingualism does not delay speech development or language acquisition. I am a Bengali and my wife is from the Garhwal hills but stayed and studied in Lucknow. Our both children learned three languages Bengali, Hindi and English almost simultaneously as did the kids of other Bengali friends in the community.  Studies have shown that children with delayed development of bilingual language are eventually able to acquire languages with the same level of competence as language-delayed children raised as single-language speakers. So bilingualism has very little to do with delayed speech.

Being bilingual and being proficient in both languages are two very different things
If you think that learning a second language is a very simple process and all that is needed is to talk to the child in the language, or to just place them in front of different sources of that language, for example, T.V shows and music so that they can absorb it on their own, this is an unrealistic idea that is likely to lead to insignificant results. The process of teaching a new language should not be a heavy burden on your shoulders; however, it is important to present the child with the correct language and structure, as well as to persist in proper and consistent learning, whether in everyday conversations with the same language or traditional means of study – poems, story books etc. The idea is that in the end, you must expose your child to the language in a way that is meaningful to them; this includes interesting learning methods that relate to their daily life and routine.

You can learn another language at any age up to puberty
Many parents believe that there is a certain stage in childhood after which it is too late to try to raise their child bilingual. Therefore, if their child has crossed that age, they will not try to teach them a second language. But you should know that this is a mistake because all professionals and experts indicate that in most cases there are three optimal times for teaching a child a second language.
It is true that the best stage to impart to the child the knowledge of the additional language is from the moment of birth until the age of 3 - since this is the period when they acquire their first language and their mind is still open and able to be molded - but the 4-7 age range is also suitable for this purpose, as at this age they can still process multiple languages, that is to build a second language system next to the first language and learn how to speak both languages well. This is the time when most Indian children learn English. The third window of opportunity is between the age of 8 and puberty. After puberty, studies show that new languages are stored in a separate area of the brain thus making language acquisition at this age much more difficult, yet still possible.

Do parents need to know both the languages?
It helps if both parents know both the languages but if each of them is proficient in one language the child will pick up both the languages, and often so will the parents! In a house where two parents speak only one language, or only one of them speaks the other language they want to impart to a child, it is questionable whether it is even possible to raise a bilingual child. They start conversing in the language of comfort, the common language and ignore the second one……and so does the child. The Indian joint family is a huge language melting pot and if not the mother the grandmother will teach the child the second language. My mother taught both my sons as well as my wife and all of them speak Bengali fluently. And for those who are not so lucky,  today there are many professional aids that can help you teach your child a second language.
Of course you should take into consideration that if you decide to teach your child a second language without being able to speak it yourself, you may also have to learn some parts of it to help your child absorb it better - but you don’t need to speak it fluently. Movies, books, and of course, classes and professionals who specialize in language learning for children can be of great help to you and contribute to the development of the additional language in your child even without you mastering it as a second language yourself.

Every child can be bilingual
Every child can be bilingual, regardless of their IQ or intelligence. When you teach your child a second language you should not be concerned about whether they are "smart enough" to go through the process, but only whether you are willing to make some lifestyle changes to make it happen.
It might be helpful to know that children are actually born ready to learn languages, and don’t need any special intellect or gift to do so. A young brain has an advantage in learning languages more than any other tendency. It is quite an effort after puberty.


In a globalized world, where mobility is facilitated, learning a language is a wonderful benefit. Not only does it help when traveling, it is also a great advantage for studying in general and for career prospects abroad. Acquiring a second language enables us to develop various mental abilities at all ages and it improves our networking skills and job prospects. But trying to understand a language and the heritage that goes with it puts us in a position of self-discovery. It makes us come to terms with how we view the world and other cultures, and have more appreciation of our own. In the end, we come to terms with our own self.

Tuesday 23 October 2018

COBWEBS IN YOUR HEAD




Have you ever gone into a room that hasn't been used in a long time only to find dusty surfaces, cobwebs in dark corners, and old memories in the drawers? Well, some corners of our mind can be a lot like that unoccupied room when we don't take the time to clean out the gunk. They are a warehouse of useless and wicked thoughts which tend to play tricks with us, unless we learn to control them and channelize them to assist in our growth and progress.

Our thoughts shape our reality and can help us to be happy and relaxed, or stressed and lost, unable to take meaningful steps to advance our lives. Our thoughts are a catalyst for self-perpetuating cycles. What we think directly influences how we feel and how we behave. So if you think you’re a failure, you’ll feel like a failure. Then, you’ll act like a failure, which reinforces your belief that you must be a failure. Fortunately the reverse is also true – if you think you are a champion, you start behaving and performing like one!

These useless thoughts, wicked notions and doubts are present in every mind and are a part of our evolution as a species. We have an insatiable appetite for them, and we often worry about what could go wrong. This served us well when we were living in caves and being chased by lions, but can hinder us in the 21st century. As the prominent psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi puts it, “Evolution has set the mind on an endless treadmill.”
There is good news thoughonce we become aware that we’re on the treadmill, we can choose to get off of it.

Once you draw a conclusion about yourself, you’re likely to do two things; look for evidence that reinforces your belief and discount anything that runs contrary to your belief. Someone who develops the belief that he’s a failure, for example, will view each mistake as proof that he’s not good enough. When he does succeed at something, he’ll chalk it up to luck. A champion under exact similar circumstances will attribute his success to his potentials and abilities and to him his occasional failures are stepping stones to future success!

Creating a more positive outlook can lead to better outcomes. That’s not to say positive thoughts have magical powers. But optimistic thoughts lead to productive behavior, which increases your chances of a successful outcome.

So how can we clean the cobwebs in our head and learn to think and behave like a champion? 

1. Banish concerns – it only create more worries
The more you think about something bad, the more likely it will happen and so if you have a day full of parental concerns or stressful events, the more you think about them, the greater the chance of you accumulating a huge amount of negative thoughts that simply block your ability to think positively. It’s okay to worry or be angry, however, it’s better to release these thoughts and feelings as soon as possible and not give them room in your mind. Concerns don’t solve problems, they accentuate them.

2. You don’t need to narrate your life
We all have a small voice in our heads that keeps us on the right track and helps us focus, but alongside its many advantages, it also has some significant drawbacks. If we don’t stop it in time, this "internal narrator" can convince us of things that just aren’t true like what other people think about us, and even to instill meaning into the most casual and random events. Our inner voice is only an expression of our imagination and our fears. So if you want to be happy, stop telling yourself that you're unhappy and start thinking about what you can do to improve the situation.

3. Feelings of defeat and victory are temporary 
You need to remember that everything passes – both good and bad. How you feel right now after a setback – shame, guilt or fear, isn’t how you’ll feel in the near future. This feeling will pass. The more you amplify and magnify these feelings now, the more likely they’ll be twice as intense in the future. So be humble in victory and introspective in defeat so as to learn from it…..because both victory and defeat will pass and only what you gather from them will remain with you!

4. You are unique
There is no point in constant and unbridled self-criticism. There is no point in comparing oneself to others. No matter how far you’ve come, there will always be someone who has been more successful in one field or another and there is no point in comparing yourself. Similarly, even if you experience a stinging failure, there will always be someone worse off, and you both are much better off than those who didn’t try at all.  

5. Learn from mistakes….don’t feel guilty
Feelings of guilt are probably one of the greatest problems of people who can’t get their thoughts in order, even though in practice they have no importance and justification. These feelings shouldn’t last for more than a few moments. Clean all these thoughts and feelings from your head, because they only cause damage. Take the positive out of it, learn from the mistakes and march ahead.

6. What others think shouldn’t affect you
Most people are too busy thinking about themselves, and probably don’t have the time or energy to actually think about you. And even if they do the world is full of people and events we have no control over.  But we certainly have control over our actions and thoughts and therefore we mustn’t let these two things mix. While everyone else has a right to his/her opinion, but the decision to act according to their influence is ours, for the better and for the worse. So, if you want to pursue your dreams, but are afraid of the reactions of the people around you, remember that the only person who has the power to decide whether to act on something or not is you.  

7. Maximize efforts not expectations
Much of the reason why people are constantly preoccupied with harmful thoughts lies in the fact that our expectations of life and reality are often two very different things. No matter how much mental time and effort you spend deciding on your course of action, the world won’t stop while you think and the situation will change. Planning is a great tool but it doesn’t guarantee perfect results, and any expectations will only lead to baseless regrets and self-blame. So be high on efforts and not on expectations.

8. Your personality isn’t fixed you can change it
Your character and your personality are not fixed and are only the product of your thoughts. Low self-confidence, impatience, ignorance, laziness, etc. are all character traits that we attribute to ourselves and treat as factual, although this situation can change at any moment and the power to do so is in our hands. Don’t complain about yourselves. If you don’t like something about yourself, change it, this is one of the best ways to be truly happy.

9. Life isn’t graded
Life isn’t a game and there are no points nor winners or losers, and any thought that comes from this mistaken assumption will cause damage and disappointment. The world of numbers and grades is rarely associated with our sense of happiness, and to delve into these unnecessary thoughts will only prevent us from enjoying the moment and the simple pleasures of life.

Just like a pebble falling down a hill can cause an avalanche, such is the potential power of thought. We take every milestone and every challenge of life to be yet another cliff which we have to conquer. What we don’t realize is that there is no cliffthere is only our mind playing tricks on us, trying to make us believe there is an impending disaster. In reality, the only misery happening is in our own selves. By ruminating, obsessing, and contemplating, we’re actually creating fertile ground for weeds to sprout up, blocking a clear path in our minds for us to follow. Instead of clearing our path, we’re blocking our path. The path needs to be de-weeded and the cobwebs in our mind need to be cleaned. This is what meditation is all about. By this you can start to control what direction your mind takes, rather than being on autopilot and mindlessly letting your emotions wrap you up in a tight ball of stress and regret. You get to decide your thoughts and your actions!

Wednesday 10 October 2018

NAVARATRI, DURGA PUJA AND WOMEN EMPOWERMENT




Navratri or the nine sacred days is celebrated with fervour and festivity all over India, and in every Hindu community the world over. These nine days are dedicated solely to Maa Durga (Goddess Durga) and her nine avatars. Durgã, the unassailable, is one of the most impressive, beautiful, and formidable warrior goddesses of the Hindu pantheon. Her story is the story of victory of good over evil. As ‘Mahishasurmardini’ she slays the buffalo demon who threatened the stability of the cosmos. She is also the Divine Mother protecting us all from evil and misery in every form. Though she is a Hindu deity Durgã is not the quintessential Hindu woman. She is not submissive and takes the battle to the males. In this role reversal, she stands outside the stereotype of Hindu society. Let us understand the religious and cultural aspect of Durgotsav and then dwell on its irony.


The Religion
Navadurga (Nine forms of Durga), are nine manifestations of the Goddess Durga in Hinduism, especially worshipped during the festival of Navratri where each of the nine manifested forms are consecutively venerated throughout all the nine nights. These nine manifested forms of Goddess Durga are: Shailaputri, Brahmacharini, Chandraghanta, Kushmanda, Skandamata, Katyayini, Kaalratri, Mahagauri and Siddhidhatri.

Let me briefly tell you about each of these nine divine forms to make you aware of what all aspects of womanhood are celebrated by Hinduism:

Shailaputri - After self-immolation in Her form as Sati, the Mother Goddess took birth in the house of King of Mountains, as the daughter of Lord Himalaya. Her vehicle is a bull and is hailed as Vrishabhda

Brahmacharini  - The Mother Goddess took birth at the home of Daksha Prajapati, as his daughter, Sati, who was born to marry Shiva. This unmarried form of the Mother Goddess is worshipped as Brahmacharini. Brahma means penance and Charini is a lady follower, this form is the embodiment of knowledge and teaching, the way she attained Lord Shiva to be her husband.

Chandraghanta - Goddess Chandraghanta is the married form of the Mother Goddess. After getting married to Shiva, Goddess Mahagauri started adorning her forehead with a half moon(Chandra) shaped like a bell(Ghanta) due to which, she became known as Goddess Chandraghanta. This form of the Mother Goddess is ready for war and s seen with all her weapons, to protect the peace and welfare of Her devotees. It is believed that the sound of the moon-bell on her forehead drives all types of evil away from Her devotees. She rides a lion and one can experience fearlessness and bravery by worshipping her.

Kushmanda - After taking the form of Siddhidatri, the Mother Goddess started living within the Sun thereby liberating the Sun's energy to the universe. Since then, this form of the Goddess has been known as Kushmanda, namely for her power and capability to live inside the Sun. The glow and radiance of her body is as luminous as that of the Sun. She has eight-arms, holds weapons, rides a tiger and is the cheerful Goddess! She created the universe in the flash of Her smile and is believed to bestow siddhis(supernatural powers) and niddhis(wealth) to Her devotees.  

Skandamata - In her form as mother of the God of War, Lord Skanda(also known as Kartikeya), she is known as Goddess Skandamata. She mounts the ferocious lion and carries baby Skanda in her lap. Devotees who worship this form of the Mother Goddess get the added benefit of blessings of Lord Skanda.

Katyayini - The daughter of sage Katyayana, who incarnated to help Devas to destroy demon Mahishasura is worshipped as Goddess Katyani. . She rides on a magnificent lion and is depicted with four hands. One can receive righteousness, desire, salvation and sense of tranquillity from worshipping her.

Kaalratri - This is the fiercest and the most ferocious form of the Mother Goddess, in which she manifests to destroy the demons, Sumbha and Nisumbha. Her complexion is dark black and She rides on a donkey. She is depicted with four hands. Her right hands are in Abhayamudra and Varadamudra. She carries a sword and deadly iron hook, the Kharga in her left hands and a demon head and scimitar in the right. This form destroys all darkness, and one can scare away the demonic forces by worshipping her.

Mahagauri - Goddess Shailputri at the age of sixteen was extremely beautiful and blessed with a fair complexion. Due to her extremely fair complexion, she was known as Goddess Mahagauri. She wears white clothes, has four arms holding a musical instrument in the left and a trident in the right. Her right hand is in the pose of allaying fear and blessing her devotees. She is known as the forgiving goddess and forgives sinners and purifies them.

Siddhidhatri - In the beginning of the universe, Lord Rudra worshipped the un-manifest or nirakar form of the Mother Goddess, Adi Parashakti for creation. As Adi Parashakti, the Mother Goddess was pure energy and had no form. She thus appeared in the form of Siddhidhatri from the left half of Shiva. She bestows all types of siddhi(supernatural powers) to her devotees and hence is worshipped by humans, ghandarvasasuras and devas alike. Siddhidatri has the eight powers - Anima, Mahima, Garima, Laghima, Prapti, Prakambya, Ishitva and Vashitva can be attained by her grace, his half-Shiva and half-Shakti form of Ardhanarishwar is granted by her.


The culture
Durga is the slayer of Mahishasura, the demon epitomizing all evils, or, in other words, our inner demons—anger, fear, hate, lust. She is also the supreme mother goddess, protecting all those who seek her protection. In totality, she embodies Shakti—the female force, latent in each human being, which manifests itself variously—as the slayer of evil. It is she to whom the male God turns to vanquish evil. So, while Bengalis first pay homage to her valour in ridding the world of evil, they then welcome her as a daughter visiting her natal family. They essentially seek her blessings as the supreme mother. Durga Puja thus is not just a Puja but a cultural extravaganza!


The irony
In a country like India where Maa Durga is worshipped and women form the backbone of the society, India is still fighting several demons of crimes against women like human trafficking, rape, sex-selective abortion, dowry, domestic violence and child marriage. We worship the girls in kanya pujan but we don’t want them to be born in our family and if born, we deprive them of education, equal rights and stature. They aren’t treated as the princess of their parental house and life only gets tougher after marriage. We want power from Durga, wealth from Lakshmi, knowledge from Sarawati. We want everything from the women but we don’t want the women. 


Women, considered to be the creator, is worshipped in the Navratris but the bitter truth is that that only idols are worshipped not the women in flesh and blood. We worship Maa Durga and seek shakti or power and then perpetrate untold miseries on women at home and at work places! Whether it is domestic violence or sexual harassment at work, women still are at a disadvantage.


Over the years, however, Durga's symbolism for women in India has been undergoing a change. Increasingly, women are looking upon her as a symbol of feminine power, rather than a divine mother, an inspiration to reclaim rights that society has, over the centuries, deprived them of. The great thing about Hindu tradition is that we can personalize the divine to suit our needs and true women empowerment against all forms of evil – sex selective abortion, dowry, triple talaq, sexual harassment in work place and rape and violence against women is the need of the hour. These evils cannot go hand in hand with the devotion to Mother Durga!



Monday 8 October 2018

WHY CAN'T ADULTS MAKE FRIENDS EASILY?

Batch '75 - friends for life!



Remember when we were kids how easy it was to make new friends? Like, just hop on your bicycle and ride to the neighborhood park and play with whoever was there. Or go knock on the neighbor’s door and see if anyone wants to start up a game of cricket or football. And as a parent, we say the same to our kids if they don’t have anyone to play with and we see another child nearby. It’s as simple as asking, “Want to play with me?” And boom. They’re friends.


 As a young adult, the world is our oyster when it comes to making new friends. But, once we get older, making friends is not quite so simple. The older we get, the more challenging it becomes. At the age of 40 and beyond, it can be tough working around various schedules or trying to find a time that is good for everyone to meet up. Adults work around children's school and sports schedules. They also have their own work schedules and some adults in their later 40s take on caregiver roles for their parents. Office, school, market, doctors, electricians, plumbers all demand your time. Consequently, managing the day-to-day family unit is tough enough, let alone trying to find time to squeeze in a much-needed social life. Then, when you do find the time to meet up - it is often for a short period of time and not frequently at all. 


Being a doctor makes you socially very busy but does that mean that doctors have many friends? On the contrary, the senior doctors are quite lonely if they are in their own practice and have a close working group if they work in hospital. Yes, there are new faces they see every day, but are they striking a friendship often? I doubt. Their business interests and their patient’s wellbeing may require them to get in touch with colleagues but these are not the guys and girls they would go to watch a movie or a cricket match with. They are work acquaintances but not friends. Yes, high school friends or medical college colleagues when work together do form a formidable team, but then again these are friendships struck before they were 40 something!

So is making new friends in adult life difficult? Romantic relationships are arguably easier to find because there’s a physical attraction—or at least the promise of one. People are motivated to find romantic relationships, so they’re more open to talking to strangers in restaurants or cinemas. But a non-romantic friendship is a different story all together. Adults often feel “rusty” when it comes to making new friends. What’s more, the ways in which we can or should go about meeting new people and building close connections can definitely change, the older we get. Some people also feel shame going out of their way to meet someone new and this often leads to other issues of loneliness and social anxiety. The difficulty is that feeling alone with these thoughts and emotions can take away from our willingness and ability to put ourselves out there and meet new people.


Given the overwhelming evidence that friendships are important for our emotional and physical health, it is well worth investing in creating a social support that reflects who we are at that moment in time, the kind of life we want to live, and the support we all need and deserve. And as we age, we also get a better sense of who we are and the type of people we want to keep in our lives and the types we want to keep out. Being open to building new connections can help us secure the support we need for whatever it is we are going through at that point in time, be it monotony, parenthood, or retirement.

True friendships at any age increases our sense of belonging and purpose; boost our happiness and reduce our stress.  It also improve our self-confidence and self-worth; and help us to cope with inevitable like empty nest syndrome and traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one. Friends are important, even when we’re boring old grownups. So here is my solution to the adulthood friendship problem:
1. Join a club
If you're looking for an easy way to make new friends try joining a club in your city. This is a great idea because the groups are made up of people who are laughing and having fun. Club activities are often scheduled in advance and on a specific day of the week. This will help you plan better and make sure you interact with all age groups as each has a different gift to offer. Just be sure that you can commit your time and not forget about the club after obtaining the membership badge. Lions and Rotary clubs are international and besides offering excellent camaraderie to its members do yeomen service to the underprivileged of the society.   
2. Reach out to friends you’ve lost touch with
If you have lost contact with many of your friends over the years, it stands to reason that former friends have had similar experiences. On top of trying to build new friendships from scratch, do your best to reconnect with members of your social circle with whom you've fallen out of touch and with people you were once close with. You can more or less pick up where you left off. These guys and girls can be your classmates, course-mates or office colleagues whose company you once enjoyed.
3. Join local groups on social media
Today there is hardly a literate person in India who does not have a social media identity.  Use it liberally. With so many people turning to social media it has become easier to make friends with just the click of a button. One of the easiest ways to do so is by joining local Facebook groups. This will give you the opportunity not only to get to know people in your immediate area, but it will give you a good idea of what kind of fun stuff is happening nearby. Make a WhatsApp group of all your class-mates or all the friends of the locality you grew up with, or all the friends who were in the Army or in the Ship with you and see how your days metamorphose.
4. Strike up a conversation in a fitness class
If your preference is cycling, cardio, hip-hop dance or yoga, a fitness class is a great place to meet new people. All you need to do is strike up a conversation with a fellow participant. Bonus! You already know you share at least one common interest with them. 
5. Make friends with people who you see in non-social contexts
Contrary to what you may think, you can befriend your chartered accountant or hang out with your kid's teachers. In fact, there is no good reason that you can't ask people you know from their workplaces to meet up socially too. Think about how much your dentist or gym trainer probably already knows about you, you've got a great place to start from.
6. Reach out to friends of friends
The friends you currently do have are a great resource when it comes to making new ones. If you are looking for some new people to hang out with, don't be shy. Ask your friends to set you up on friend dates with people you have met through them. 
7. Show up at local events
Your local community is a great resource for making new friends. All that is required is that you show up in Durga Puja pandals, regional fairs, iftar parties, concerts and other local gatherings. With that, you are bound to see some of the same faces, making it easy to connect. 
8. Invite people from work to your home
OK, not everyone, but there are bound to be a few interesting ones, those who enjoy football or share your love for P.G. Wodehouse! And anyone who loves football and / or P.G. Wodehouse can’t be on uninteresting company!   
9. Attend your local city council meetings
Getting politically active on a local level is an easy way to meet people who share the same values that you do. Attending local city council meetings will help you get in touch with a community of people who care about the same issues. The recent Swacha Bharat Abhiyan is a great cause to get together, formulate a plan of action and clean up your locality or the children’s’ park in your colony!
10. Sign up for an excursion group
Travel is the most exiting way of meeting new friends. Year before last 14 of us, from diverse backgrounds, from different countries met for the first time when we planned an excursion to Kailash and Mansarovar and long after the 17 eventful days were over we still cherish the friendship we have built. Try this; you will instantly have a new group of people who share your interests to spend time with. 
Our Kailash Mansarovar group

For those who struggle to meet people and crave social contact, friendship apps are changing the ways we meet people and how our friendships are formed. It can be easier to reach out, introduce yourself, and get a friendship off the ground when you know that the other person is also looking to make new friends. But this can be a huge pitfall too. Virtual friendship is no substitute of real friendship. People who spend hours together in the virtual world talking to E-friends are left with no time to talk to real ones.


We must make friendship a priority. It ultimately helps to recognize that investing in friendships does not have to come at the expense of other relationships and responsibilities, but rather can make our lives that much more meaningful and fulfilling. We can be better dads and mums, better husbands and wives if our heart is warmed up by the glow of friendship.