THE SECRET OF CHARISMA

 

Charisma is an individual's ability to attract and influence other people. It is derived from a Greek word and it means "favor freely given" or "gift of grace". It is a compelling attractiveness or charm that can inspire devotion in others. If the person comes with a history of some outstanding achievements in life like Narayan Murthy, Sharmila Tagore, Sachin Tendulkar or Birju Maharaj, then he/she has already done the hard miles to achieve that charismatic halo, but for lesser mortals they have to strive to achieve it.

 

What makes people charismatic?

1. They are empathetic. They have the ability to connect and form relationships. Their Emotional Quotient (EQ) is very high.  Positive and negative empathy is the ability to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and genuinely feel what they are feeling — either good or bad. The charismatic guys are genuinely good at this
2. They are humble. They don’t wave awards in people’s faces. They don’t name-drop for the sake of sounding important. They don’t toot their own horns. They don’t act like they’re above any person or situation. They behave normally as one of us.
3. They are vulnerable. They don’t seek approval from others and have no desire to come off as a perfectionist.  They are not afraid of putting themselves out there to risk embarrassment or judgment because they realize that those who do appear as perfect may actually be less likable.
4. They have a sense of humor. People who are enjoyable to be around genuinely have a great sense of humor. Plus, to tie back to our last point, humor is also connected to vulnerability.
5. They are present. They give you complete attention and are not distracted by phone calls and messages. This builds connection and improves likability.
6. They are genuinely interested in everyone. They have no pretentions. Charisma is not so much getting people to like you as getting people to like themselves when you’re around.
7. They avoid social narcissism.  A narcissist only talks about himself. A charismatic person never wants to talk about their stories, their problems, their successes, their complaints, their family and their friends.
8. They are generous and altruistic. Being generous and compassionate is a sign of someone who’s likeable. These guys don’t expect anything in return but will help you anyway if they can.
9. They reciprocate praise (and take the blame). When they’re recognized for a success, they shift the praise toward everyone else. They give praise and empower people without expecting anything in return. Conversely, they will be the first person to say “Sorry, my fault, I screwed up” and not blame the team.

So charisma can be cultivated…..right!

People often confuse charisma with physical attributes – beauty, tall, dark, handsome but truly all that and much more of that cannot make a person charismatic. This is not a mysterious quality that one either has or doesn't have. The skills of charismatic people can be learned and cultivated. It is not about how you look, but about how you make others feel about themselves.

The great American poet Maya Angelou once said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Your choice of words creates a brief impression that can lead to a long-lasting impression, long after the particulars have been forgotten. This is why the world’s most charismatic people tend to use the same phrases over and over again. Think about the power of these words. Consciously add them to your daily speech, and watch positive effects roll in.

Tell Me More

Have you come across somebody who held onto information like it was a scarce commodity? It can be annoying and frustrating trying to find out what’s going on with something that could affect your future. Those who share good information in this kind of situation, not rumors or bluster, become some of the most-liked people around.

Most of us like to talk about ourselves, but we also enjoy hearing that the things we’re contributing to are considered valuable and important. Therefore, you should always be on the lookout for opportunities to show that you’re listening to others, and that you appreciate their points of view. You can do this by explicitly asking them to share more than they already have.

People want to believe that their opinions matter, and that they can have an impact on the world around them. Therefore, if you become known as someone who legitimately wants to hear the opinions of others, you’re charisma will quickly increase.

What Can I Do to Help?

Insightful people know that nobody really does anything amazing without help from somebody else. Therefore, we’re all naturally wired to be grateful to people who offer legitimate help as we try to pursue our life goals. If you possess information, skills, or insights that’ll help others achieve their goals, others will appreciate you for offering them.

Please/Thank You

Manners cost absolutely nothing, but having them can pay big dividends. You can help yourself stand out from the crowd by remembering your manners and treating others as respected individuals. If you have starry airs……there goes your charisma! You give someone respect, you’ll get their respect back, often manifolds.

Let Me Find Out For You

Using this phrase shows that you’re willing to go out of your way in order to help somebody. If people know that you’ll do your utmost to help them, they’ll be drawn to you. As a surgeon and as an educator we are often asked questions for which we do not have ready answers or recent advances. The best response then is not brushing aside or bluffing but admitting ignorance and promising to get back.

I’d Like You to Meet…

Introduce people to each other, and become a connector. By giving your credibility and time, you will automatically make people grateful. If this connection turns out to be a positive one, they will always remember that it was you who made it happen. If it is recommending a junior colleague for specialized training under an expert, or introducing a friend to a government authority, these connections can transform their lives and one should never miss these opportunities.

I Believe You Can

We all face moments of self-doubt in life. Sometimes all it takes to overcome them is to hear that somebody else doesn’t doubt us. To add to this, people will always remember that you were the one who thought they could achieve their goals. In an educator and a team leader this is a cardinal quality. Words are very powerful, they can tear you down or build you up and so a charismatic leader always has words of encouragement.

I Think You Can Do a Lot Better

This phrase is very interesting. It’s criticism, but it’s criticism rooted in faith. Sure, you’re telling somebody that they have fallen short, but you’re also indicating to them that you have confidence in their ability to achieve more. This was Captain Saurav Ganguli’s pet phrase for Yuvraj and Sahwag and see what it did to them. A charismatic team leader identifies his/her match winners and then shepherds them towards excellence.

Let Me Be Up Front with You

Setting expectations, refusing to waste another person’s time, and being honest are all qualities of a charismatic leader. This simple phrase suggests the other person is not going to like what you’re about to tell them. However, it can achieve positive reactions because it at least shows that you want to treat the person with respect. Sometimes things don’t work as we had expected and a course correction involves some difficult conversation. This need not be unpleasant, disagree but without being disagreeable.

Charisma is the quality of being able to attract charm and influence those around them. It is that X factor which is hard to define but easy to appreciate. They are someone who has a presence in a room, has the ability to influence people, knows how to lead a group, makes people feel comfortable, smiles at people often, can get along with anyone and is ready to help selflessly.

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