REMEMBERING MY TEACHER AND MY FATHER

 

During my teenage years in high school, I was given an assignment by my teacher in Colvin, Mr. R.R. Uppadhayya, as a punishment for being talkative in class. The task was to interview a man over the age of 40 and gather enough information about his life to write a brief biography. The purpose was also to discover the man's essential advice for the younger generation. He advised me to interview my father, who incidentally was his friend, and so someone he was very familiar with. These types of punishments were very typical of Colvin of the bygone era.

 

True to his inquisitive nature he asked me what the questions I will ask him are. These should not be things I already know about him being his son. “Then you will be wasting the assignment and giving your own opinion” he said. He then took me to the staff room and suggested some questions. Another senior teacher, Mr. M.G. Rao also got interested and he too suggested a few, and together we decided on eleven questions.

 

I duly completed the assignment but after that completely forgot about it until I stumbled upon an old notebook many years later while cleaning our attic. Inside the notebook were my father's answers to my questions, and it simply amazed me. At the time of the interview, I didn't give much importance to these tips. But now, with hindsight and experience on my side, I realize how accurate and meaningful they were. Today, as a successful Plastic Surgeon, with more than three decades of experience and after bringing up two sons with great satisfaction these answers which my father gave me then, have acquired a whole new meaning. So I wish to share these timeless tips with you - advice that originated from conversations with my father five decades ago.

 

Here are some key insights gleaned from those conversations:

Q: How does it feel to be old?

A: I don’t know; I am only 42. Your experience of your 30s and 40s won't feel like you think they will Adults are basically just bigger versions of children. Despite the passing years and the aging process, we don't feel as old as we may have anticipated. The feeling remains relatively consistent regardless of age, with the only notable difference being that we become wiser and more self-assured if we have made our way successfully, and more bitter and afraid if we have not. The lessons of these ages, if learned, make sure we have already established ourselves in the world and discovered what truly matters to us. Therefore, there is no need to fear growing older; instead, it should be embraced - it can be a wonderful thing!  Add experience to life and not just years.

 

Q: How can I change this world?

A: By changing yourself for sure. Anyone can make a change in the world. Even if you only manage to bring a smile to one person's face, you have succeeded in changing their world for the better. It may not be on a global scale, but it still holds significant value within their personal sphere. By engaging in small acts of kindness and empowerment - such as being fully present in each moment or offering genuine compliments - you can initiate meaningful change both in others' lives and your own. Ultimately, all your good deeds will come back around to benefit you greatly.

 

Q: How can I improve my performance?

A:  Achieving good results requires focused effort. Focus your efforts on smaller tasks rather than trying to tackle numerous areas or pursue grand endeavors. Specialize in a specific area instead. If you spread yourself too thin across a wide range of pursuits, your impact will be minimal. By concentrating on a narrow field, your efforts will have a much greater effect. It may take time for this effect to become apparent, but by consistently directing your energy towards the right place, you will eventually see results.  

 

Q: How do I know I am improving if I don’t compare with others?

A: You cannot be a better version of someone else, then he will always be better, You can only be a better ‘you’. You cannot become the ultimate you without loving yourself. We all want to become a better "me". To reach the best version of yourself, prioritize self-love and personal growth. This is something often put aside in earlier ages in favor of having external fun. While that's great, strive to become who you aspire to be by nurturing both your body and your mind. Never stop seeking knowledge and remain open to different perspectives, even from those who hold contrasting views. Embrace curiosity by asking questions and actively listening to others' ideas. Continually develop yourself and be willing to give back to others as well.

 

Q: Have you ever failed? How did you handle failure?

A: Be prepared to try and try again. Failure is just a stage you will go through to achieve success. It cannot be anything more serious than that. You may well ask "If I attempt something and don't succeed, what will I lose and what will I gain?" My response will be "I'll lose the time that was invested, but in return, I'll gain valuable lessons that will aid me in improving for future attempts." Very few individuals achieve immediate success on their initial try. In reality, it's those who persevere and continue trying who ultimately succeed. Nearly everyone experiences failure initially, so make sure you're not one of those individuals who give up after just one setback. The Wright brothers must have tried a hundred times before their plane took off.

 

Q: You are busy in office and then at home. How do you manage time?

Be smart about your time. The older you get, the more you will realize this. It seems so plentiful in the beginning, and yet so precious later in life. We cannot get it back. So, it's incredibly important to regularly evaluate our responsibilities and adapt accordingly as changes arise. Additionally, it is essential to uphold the virtues of honesty, commitment, and kindness towards our loved ones. Sometimes, we may need to temporarily set aside certain tasks in order to prioritize others that hold greater importance. This should not be seen as a negative thing - it is impossible for us to accomplish everything at once, and there's no need for us to attempt such feat either. The key lies in investing our time wisely in what truly matters. Priorities in life are important and right now the education of my children is my first priority.

 

Q: How do you plan your expenses?

A: Money is a facilitator, one of the means to achieve comfort in life, nothing more.  Be smart about your money. Money is only a means to an end, it is what money represents that makes it important. It gives freedom; freedom from certain worries, freedom to move and change your life and be flexible. Not to mention, we spend a lot of our precious time making it! So avoid the many temptations to throw away your money. The world is full of traps for you and your hard-earned cash. Avoid those who promise you quick gains and have patience. Those who wait and invest in the long-run are usually those who can retire without care. But time is much more precious than money.

 

Q: You perform puja twice every day, but I don’t; am I missing something

A: We all are performing puja every day when we try to make this a better world for all the creations of God, humans, animals, plants and our mother earth. You don’t have to recite shlokas, sing hyms or offer namaz to please God. He is most pleased when you help His children, protect His creations, and preserve this nature for generations to come. If you can bring a smile in even a single face every day then you can bring happiness in the lives of 365 people and their families every year. Now imagine how many lives you can change for the better in your lifetime! This is true puja.

 

Q: Do you have dreams?

A: Dreams will forever stay dreams unless you act. Dreams will remain mere fantasies if we fail to take action towards their realization. Merely wishing or dreaming without proactive steps will not lead anywhere of significant or tangible progress. There are many fears that keep us from fulfilling our dreams. Most of these are even valid, but dreams are dreams because they are not that easy to achieve, and many require either sacrifice or a large gamble. If you really want your dream, if it is a big part of who you are - make a bold move. You only live once, and living with "What ifs" is often worse than mere failure.  Trying and failing is better than not trying and regretting.

 

Q: How can I achieve my dreams?

A: If you really want something, you must be ready to sacrifice for it. Sacrifice is a part of being alive. So many of us only dream the dream, but never think of the sacrifices one must make to get that dream realized. Swami Vivekananda, Gandhi ji, Lata Mangeshkar, Vinoo Mankad, Satyajit Ray did not become famous and successful because they dreamt big, they burnt the midnight oil and made huge sacrifices to achieve their dreams. One must be able to sacrifice, because the perfect opportunity doesn't appear for most people. You must take what is offered to you by life, even if it means you must make concessions and sacrifices. So, instead of solely pondering what you want - whether dreams or goals - inquire within yourself: "What am I willing to relinquish in order to attain my desires?" or "What am I prepared to invest in order to achieve what I yearn for?"

 

Q: Are you afraid of death?

A: Life is limiting, and there is beauty in that fact. Time, our most precious resource, is a finite thing for us humans. We don't have the time to read every book ever written, watch every movie, or visit every city. In this game of life, we are often faced with limitations. The most important thing is not to bemoan this fact but use it to shape yourself. How will you respond to these circumstances life has thrown upon you? You can either focus on what you lack or focus on what you have and what you will use to get where you want to go. Death is inevitable but by practicing good habits untimely death is avoidable. Leo Tolstoy has said that “painless death is the greatest satisfaction of life” but then that is not in our hands so why worry?