WHAT DO YOU TELL YOUR CHILD WHEN HE/SHE LEAVES HOME TO MAKE A FUTURE?

 

 There comes a time in every person’s life when his/her children leave home and go out in the world to make a life. The parental protection suddenly disappears and the comfortable refuge of home is gone. Yes, your parenting and your guidance must have prepared them for this moment but the verbose father that I am, I cannot help passing on some invaluable tips which my father gave to me. I do not say that I understood the significance of all this when I was young but today I have no hesitation in admitting that these are the real family jewels that I cherish most, because they still enrich my life. Today I want to share these tips with you, knowing fully well that you already know most of them and have adopted them in your life.

 

Be yourself. Trying to be someone you’re not is hard work, and ultimately, you’ll always be afraid others will find out. The most gratifying relationships are with people who appreciate you for who you are, not who you want others to think you are.

Don’t lie to yourself. Honesty is the best policy, and being honest with yourself is the most important part of this policy. When you lie to yourself, you know that you’re lying, so it’s pointless and will make you feel like a disingenuous person.

Life is not a competition. Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are unique. There will always be someone who seems better looking, smarter, richer, or more talented but he/she cannot have your qualities. Nobody is perfect, including you, but you are the best version of you, and there can only be a better you if you try.

The easiest choice is not always the best one. Nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and the easy way out often leaves you feeling empty. Dare. Take risks. A ship is safest when it is anchored in a harbour but is of use only when it sails out of its safety into the unchartered seas.

Don’t wait until you’re “ready”. Life will always find ways to surprise you. Opportunities arise when you least expect them. You may never be ready, but don’t let it stop you. When an opportunity comes knocking – take it. When you need to do something – do it. Don’t get stuck in your comfort zone.

Take responsibility for your actions. The only person you can control in this world is you. Other people can’t make your dreams come true for you, nor can they take the blame for your mistakes. Don’t give other people power over you.

Keep your promises. Whether made to your clients or friends or relatives, promises are to be kept at all cost. This will give you a stamp of reliability and dependability.

Be well spoken. There is no excuse of losing cool or being angry or arrogant even when most provoked. By staying cool, collected and polite you win half the argument hands down.

Stand up for people who need. If the weak is right he/she deserves your support even if it means standing up against a stiff opposition or a bully. Not only will it endear you to others but even to your own self. You will never regret this.

Don’t let others make you stoop to their level. Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Choose your friends carefully and don’t associate with the wrong people. People who make you feel like you’re not worth their time, who treat you like you’re beneath them or who never back you up when you need them to are not people you should spend time with. True friends will make time for you and stick with you through thick and thin.

Stop wasting time on justifying yourself. Your friends don’t require explanations, and enemies won’t care. As long as you know in your heart that you are right, stop apologizing.

Be a team player. While small successes can be achieved by individual efforts big changes can be brought about by being a part of a winning team. Know your role in it and play it to perfection.

Stop avoiding your problems. It may be the easy thing to do in the short term, but in the long run, you’ll just face them again and again. It’s better to tackle hardship head-on. You probably won’t solve your problems instantly, but the process is what counts – learn from your mistakes, adapt and grow. Eventually, it’ll make you a better, stronger person.

If something doesn’t work, try a different approach. My teacher Mr. Bernard O’Brien was one of the first surgeon practicing and later teaching Microsurgery. Tenacity was his middle name.   His friends would say that the best way to get Bernard to do something was to tell him it could not be done. Miracles were to be done daily; the impossible achieved on a regular basis because he kept on trying differently till success was tired of eluding him.

Perfection is impossible and ‘best’ is the biggest enemy of ‘good’. No one and nothing is perfect, and perfectionists are often the most frustrated people in the world. But it is worth trying to achieve it because it can make you achieve ‘good’ on a regular basis.

Don’t separate optimism from realism. Sometimes things fall apart, and that’s okay. Sometimes you feel weak, and that’s also okay. You can’t pretend that everything is fine when it clearly isn’t, so don’t avoid the truth – embrace it. Then try a different approach, go for Plan B.

You can make mistakes “To err is human, to forgive is divine” – we all make mistakes, and no one is perfect. The only way to make no mistakes is to do nothing, and people who are afraid of mistakes are often paralyzed by that fear. The more things you avoid out of fear, the more regrets you’ll end up having. So try, make mistakes, learn from them and conquer.

Let go of the past. It cannot be changed, so learn from it and get on with it. Let bygones be bygones. Past mistakes are done and gone - you can learn from them, make amends, and move on. The knowledge learned from the mistakes you made in the past are helping to shape your future. They will end up making you a better person. Staying up late at night, thinking of all of the things you did wrong is a waste of time and energy.

Money can’t buy you happiness. That new TV, shiny car, those diamond earrings – they may make you happy for a few minutes, a few days or even a couple of years, but true happiness comes from within. Follow your passions, travel, read, see, taste, smell and enjoy life – that will make you truly happy.

Happiness is in you, not in other people. Other people are looking for happiness just like you, they may like to join you for the ride, but the only person responsible for your happiness - is you. Create your own happy moments and add them like beads on a string to create a happy life.

Don’t get into a relationship just because you’re lonely. A relationship requires two people who are both ready and willing to give and take. Loneliness may be a terrible feeling, but being with the wrong person ends up feeling even worse. You’ll find the right person as long as you’re true to yourself.

Old relationships shouldn’t affect new relationships. Even if your last relationship (or relationships) ended in a sour note or heartbreak, don’t let it prevent you from entering a new one. A new person may help to bring out the best in you.

Self-pity and complaints will get you nowhere. Wallowing in your own misery and constantly complaining doesn’t solve your problems, and also tends to push people away. Hardship is just a matter of perspective.

Grudges and anger are self destructive. Holding on to anger and hate will push people away, and end up hurting you and your loved ones. To forgive doesn’t mean ignoring what was done to you, but rather to acknowledge it and refuse to let it dampen your happiness. Also, remember to forgive yourself as well.

Don’t make yourself sick with worry. Worrying doesn’t solve problems, but it definitely can create new ones. If you find yourself worrying about something, ask yourself if it will really impact you in the future – if it doesn’t, it’s not worth worrying about.

Don’t ignore your own needs. You may want to be there for all of your friends, all the time or you may think that your children’s needs come before your happiness. Well, after some time they don’t. Take some “me time” - indulge in a hobby or passion. It’s worth it.

Remember to be grateful. When you wake up each morning, be thankful that you’re alive, appreciate each day and be grateful for what you’ve got. In other parts of the world, people may not be so lucky.

Enjoy life. It is not infinite and there are treasures at every stage. Feel the breeze in your hairs, smell the flowers and marvel at the night sky with a full moon and most importantly, enjoy the company of your friends and family!