GET MY NAME RIGHT

In India a name is very sacrosanct and parents often read a lot, discuss with their parents and teachers and then christen the child with a maiden name. Every Indian name has a meaning and so it cannot be mispronounced. As we go to Southern India, particularly Tamilnadu, the father’s name and the name of the Village too is prefixed and so the great aerospace scientist and the People’s President of India, A.P.J. Abdul Kalam was Avul Pakir Jainulabdeen Abdul Kalam and the cricket legend E.A.S. Prassana is Erapalli Anantrao Srinivas Prasanna!

The situation however changes when we migrate to other states or other countries to earn a living and make a better life. Our name is our calling card and everyone should be able to pronounce it. I spent a very large part of my Plastic Surgery training period in Australia and while the Australians had no problem with my first name Surajit, it was my family name Bhattacharya that was a tongue twister and after several valiant attempts to pronounce it correctly we all settled for a mutually acceptable Battery charger!

Many post-war migrants who came to Australia often anglicized their names just to "fit in". Letters were added, moved around and disappeared altogether from both first names and surnames to make them sound less ethnic. Greek-Armenian broadcaster George Donikian's story is a common one.

"You've got a job tomorrow," a prospective boss told him. "But I can't do Donikian. You can be George White, George Green, any colour George except Donikian."

"So George said, 'How about I take one letter off my name and make it Donikan?' And his prospective employer said, 'Yeah, good. You've got the job.' "

But if you are under the impression that only we, the common folk get their names mis-pronounced, think again. Many celebrities also suffer the name pangs! If I choose to mention only five here then they should be:

Charlize Theron: Don’t say: CHAR-lees Ther-OWN… Instead say: Shar-LEES THAIR-en

Rihanna: Don’t say: Ree-AH-nuh… Instead say: Ree-AN-uh

Demi Moore: Don’t say: DEM-ee… Instead say: Duh-MEE

Eva Mendez: Don’t say: EE-va… Instead say: AY-va

Lindsay Lohan: Don’t say: LOW-han… Instead say: LOW-en

And what about the Duchess of Sussex? Meghan Markle's pronunciation will change with every continent! In Australia and New Zealand they predominantly say Mee-gan, but in America it's often May-gan and in England it's Meg-n. It's a gripe suffered by many who bear names that are either very similar to other names, or have a variety of available pronunciations and spellings. Add in different culture and languages and it can be a minefield.

While using a short form of the name is quite common in the English speaking world, Liz instead of Elizabeth, Tony instead of Anthony, Rod instead of Rodney and Mel instead of Melony, a migrant may want his / her name to remain untarnished. One of my friend in Adelaide would lament that she had a name that people constantly mispronounced in favour of a name with a completely different spelling “I'm a Suzanne people often call Susan!” 

My Greek neighbor in Melbourne, Stavros, politely responded to being called Steve and his wife, Athena, answered to Tina. I know they experienced a sense of loss doing this, but they did it to make things easier for themselves. They did it to fit in. Migrants let go of their names for convenience, ease and practicality – but mostly for the need to feel accepted. Descendants of Greek, Italian, Albanian, Yugoslav, Lebanese, Arab, Chinese and Indian migrants who come to Australia for a better life, often find their names mispronounced. One can't help but detect a whiff of casual racism about it. Perhaps you need to live it to understand the smell. After all people laughing at your name or surname, some affectionately, others not so, becomes a case of death by a thousand cuts!

Educationist Jennifer Gonzalez while blogging about classroom teachers needing to get childrens' names right, feels that mispronouncing and misspelling people's names is said to be, 'a tiny act of bigotry'. It tells the bearer, 'I don't consider you important enough'! It becomes an identity-stripping act that gets a whole lot worse where race and language are elements of the error.

Gonzalez mentions three kinds of people who get names wrong; the 'fumble-bumblers', the 'arrogant manglers' and the 'calibrators'. I think we can all identify with being a fumble-bumbler at one stage or another, and indeed I'd rather tell someone I've forgotten their name than completely flub it, which puts me in the third category - the 'calibrator', a person who cares enough to learn a name and ask if they are getting it right or not. An arrogant mangler has a problem as he / she is doing it deliberately to put you down and needs to be told so. I remember in a conference a friend of mine was referred as ‘Devnash’ or one who kills God instead of ‘Devansh’ or one who is a part of God, and he did not take it kindly. Forgetting the seniority of his name mangler he immediately retaliated and made him apologise.

Gerardo Ochoa, another blogger has added a fourth category to Gonzalez’ list: the evaders. These are the people who’d rather call me something different than call me by my name or look silly trying to pronounce it. When I introduce myself, they say things like “Do you have a nickname?” or “I’m never going to be able to say that!” or “Can I just call you G or Jerry?”

There's nothing wrong with not being able to wrap your tongue around a name, but constant mispronunciation often sits somewhere between ridicule and casual racism. It all depends on your value system. No, getting your name mispronounced is not a joke, it's just part of the migrant experience. Their name is their identity. It connects them to their family, their people and their homeland or home state. The least you can do is attempt to get it right. Pronouncing someone’s name correctly can make people feel valued, honored and respected — and mispronouncing their name creates real problems of identity and prestige. 

What to do when we encounter a difficult name?

Be humble — admit when you’re having difficulty with a name. 
The first step to pronouncing someone’s name correctly is to acknowledge to yourself that you can’t pronounce it. It’s okay if the other person sees you struggling, and it’s okay if you have to ask for help. Usually, they’ll be more than willing to assist. When I see someone struggling to say my name, I help them, so when they finally achieve success, their success is my success, too. We both win.

Be an active bystander.
When you see and hear someone mispronounce another person’s name, take the initiative and correct them.

Don’t ever change someone’s name just because you can’t say it. 
Try saying someone’s name, even if you get it wrong. Changing someone’s name is a decision that belongs to that individual, not to you.

Let’s face it: We’re not always going to get people’s names right. But, more than ever, it matters that we try.