Have you ever wondered why it feels good to be with some people and why some people leave a lot to be desired? Some people are likeable, interesting and pleasant whenever you come across them and they leave you feeling good. It has very little to do with their physical attributes but the sum total of their appearance, their behavior, their conversation, their attitude towards life and their unique outlook all together create a lasting impression. This total package is the person’s personality. The personality is the typical pattern of thinking, feeling, and behaviors that make a person unique.
Everyone wants to be attractive to others. To that end, having a good personality is vital - probably even more so than good looks. In fact, approximately 85 percent of your success and happiness will be a result of how well you interact with others. Ultimately, it is your personality that determines whether people are attracted to, or shy away from you. Not only humans, animals too have a personality and dog lovers and equestrian enthusiasts will readily vouch for this!
Can we change our personality into a more pleasant one? Many think and believe that character traits are established at birth and we can do nothing about this. They argue that while some people are blessed with a generous sense of humor and charisma, others have to cope with a lack of these qualities and find them impossible to achieve. In fact, this itself is a negative attitude that takes all the virtues and good things in each of us for granted and convinces us to not find ways to develop and improve our personalities. We are not born with a personality; we acquire, develop and cultivate one. We humans have the power and ability to shape our personalities however we wish. When we develop ourselves to be all that we can be, we contribute to our own, as well as the happiness of others.
While we can only enhance our looks to a certain extent by visiting beauty parlors or getting cosmetic surgeries, we have the ability to improve the personality as much as we want and in a far easy and affordable way. We can develop or integrate into our personalities any trait we aspire for and deem fit. This is how I think we can:
1. Be self confident. People with high self-confidence always have an advantage over those who regularly hesitate and doubt themselves, because people who demonstrate strong will and assertiveness serve as an example and inspiration for others, and so, they can easily take control of different situations. Do not give in to the perception that it is the responses of others that need to determine your behavior, and do not feel the need to seek approval and acceptance of others for every step you take. Self-confident people control their own lives and take personal responsibility for their actions.
2. Be a hard worker. Most high-performing workers don’t actually work too much, however, they do work efficiently. To get better results and demonstrate your many skills, try to disconnect completely from the various instant messaging programs, put your phone on vibration mode and don’t listen to music if it distracts you. Invest yourself completely in the task you need to complete. Hopping between work and distractions is not the sign of a good personality.
3. Be a better and purposeful listener. Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was considered one of the most charming women in the world because she cultivated the skill of being an exceptional listener. She was known for the way she would look a person in the eyes, hang on their every word, and make them feel important. There is nothing more appealing than having someone listen to you intently making you feel like you're the only person in the world. This way you will be able to read others' thoughts, understand what motivates other people and what the reasons behind their behavior are. While listening, consider not only what they say but also what they do while talking to you: where are they looking, what makes them smile, what facial expressions are they making, and what are their hands doing during the conversation? This will improve your response.
4. Read more and expand your interests. The more you read and cultivate new interests, the more interesting you are to others. When you meet new people it gives you the opportunity to share what you know and to exchange your views with them. One essential part of having a good personality is having interesting things to talk about. That doesn’t mean you need to study astrophysics – you just need to have interests. If you are excited about something you probably will be able to tell other people about it in an interesting way. It really doesn’t matter what you like to do! Try to read something every day. Watch movies. Look for new hobbies. Just try to experience what the world has to offer!
5. Be a good conversationalist. This relates to how much you read and know. Once you have much to contribute, learn how to talk about it with others. No one can read about or know everything, so it's refreshing to learn from others those things we don't have the time to about read ourselves.
6. Have an Opinion. There is nothing more tiresome than trying to talk to someone who has no opinion on anything. A conversation has nowhere to go if you have nothing to expound on. If, however, you have an uncommon point of view or differing opinion, you are more interesting and stimulating company. When you talk to people you want to have things that matter to you that you can talk about. Develop an opinion on politics or sports or animals or parenting or anything like that you are interested in. Don’t worry about agreeing with the other person as long as you can converse civilly. People will appreciate the personality of someone who is able to express their opinions about things. A unique outlook expands everyone's perspective.
7. Meet New People. Make the effort to meet new people especially those unlike you. It not only exposes you to different cultures and alternative ways of doing things, it broadens your horizons.
8. Be yourself. The next most tiresome thing after having no opinions is trying to be something you're not. Molding yourself in order to fit in, or be accepted, usually backfires. Since each of us is unique, expressing that uniqueness is what makes us interesting. Attempting to be a carbon copy of someone else not only falls flat, but reveals a lack of authenticity.
9. Have a positive outlook and attitude. Who wants to be around people who are negative, complain a lot, or have nothing good to say? In fact, most of us run when we see them coming. Instead, be the kind of upbeat person who lights up a room with your energy when you enter it. Do it by looking for the best in people and things. Smile warmly, spread good cheer, and enliven others with your presence.
10. Be fun and see the humorous side of life. Everyone enjoys the company of someone who makes them laugh, or smile, so look for the humorous, quirky side in a situation - there always is one. When you can add fun and lightheartedness to an otherwise dull or gloomy setting, others will naturally be attracted to you, not to mention grateful. "Laughter is good for the heart" is a well-known cliché, but it has quite a bit of truth since good laughter can free us from stress and help us see the positive side of things and communicate with others. Therefore, people tend to like those who have a sense of humor and want to be close to witty and amusing people, who also have fun and can laugh at themselves and their failures without feeling bad.
11. Be supportive of others. Being supportive is probably the most endearing quality you can integrate into your personality. Just as you yourself welcome it, be the support for others when they need it. We all love a cheerleader in our corner; someone who is encouraging believes in us and helps pick us up when we're down.
12. Have Integrity and treat people with respect. Being honest and true to your word will bring you the admiration, respect and gratitude of others. Nothing improves a person's personality more than integrity and respect - respect for others, as well as respect for yourself.
13. Radiate Warm Positive Energy. This is something that is kind of an unspoken thing and something that you just give off. There are things you can do to control your own energy, which really are just a function of focusing your own mind on all the positive things in your life. I think all people give off a unique energy or a vibe and I think all other people can sense that. Whether you have ever talked to me or not, just from reading my writing you form certain impressions about me on an unconscious level. As a result you’re either drawn to me or not.
14. Be nice. This is the most important step. No matter who you are, if you are nice, the only reason a person can dislike you is if they are jealous of you. Never be rude to people. If someone is being unkind to you, try to imagine what might be causing him or her to act this way. Maybe they are going through a really difficult situation in their life and in reality they are a very good person. Try to assume the best in people. You don’t have to be naïve and it’s okay to remain skeptical, but that doesn’t mean you ever have an excuse to treat anyone poorly.
15. Keep your cool. This will earn you an enormous amount of respects, especially if you keep calm in situations where everyone else panics. Just try to take things as they come and don’t get too high or too low. This is something that you can do consciously and people will really respect your ability to keep everything together.
Developing a good personality is something we all should try. When talking to someone, try to make eye contact with them - look into the person's eyes with real calm and serenity and don’t forget to smile! Charismatic people are able to listen to others and be in the same "mind-frame" as they are – so, while having a conversation, don’t rush to talk about yourself and remember that it is better to ask questions and to be interested first in the person in front of you. Be nice despite provocations and keep cool. Be supportive of good causes and good people and work hard to make a positive difference. And don’t take life too seriously; laugh at yourself once in a while!